Boomerang

Boomerang

We threw all of it away,
but it kept coming back
Every couple of months,
for the first year after year
Whenever you would call,
we’d meet at your wherever
Whenever you came to town,
we’d be together at my here

It seemed like we both knew
that we were meant to be
For two nights a week, at least
And on the long weekends, three

It was all about the physical,

or so we liked to believe
Yet, we would take each other’s heart
and wear it on our sleeve
Time, and then time again
a history of emotions would flow
Time after time, and time again
we would let each other go

It seemed like we both understood

far more was right than was wrong
Yet, we would choose to get going,
despite how well we got along

The occasional encounter, on a whim

The odd phone call, a reach out to touch
It was difficult, for us, to leave it all behind
because we held on to too much
Only ever so barely could I put you in my past
Returning far too often, for far too long
Time went by, and still I wondered
If we were really right, or really all that wrong

Our paths crossed less, our lives evolving

We’d exchange smiles, and that felt fine
I brought a date to your wedding,
but you came alone to mine

board chalk chalkboard color

You would still cross my married conscience
Compromised, for giving up without a fight
Oddly, I felt like I should apologize to her
but I knew, that would never make it right
Lost in my distraction, never in my temptation
Just a lingering null and a void in my mind
It would have been easy, then, if I had to choose
to where, and when, that I would rewind

Each of us have two teenage daughters
Other c
ommonalities, that we have both got
We still keep in touch through social media

You, happily married, and me, happily not

Stronger because of every life experience
Content, with who and where I am today
Time takes its liberties with my feelings

As it drifts further and further away
Jutting in and out with relative ease
A recent memory brings me back to you
A prom, a photograph, a time of our lives
I remember, and I smile, as I always do

The classic example of a lost love story,

where too late replaces not yet
The boomerang that never returns
Requited love, and reluctant regret

Advertisements

Nest

I am still not used to it.
Both of them only half the time
was hard enough to accept.
Then the teenage years came
and they became independent.
Half the time became
half the time, half the time.
Then came graduation,
and jobs, and university for one.
And now it’s half of them,
half of half the time.
In less than a year and a half
it will be none of them
almost all the time.
That’s life, I suppose…20171130_094348


NEST
 

Our new family home,
that I bought to share
A shell of a house
without you there
Echoes in the halls
Walls, inside of walls
Some framed with memories,
some still bare 

Never seems as bright
when you are gone
A dim comparison,
with half the lights on
Darkness under a shade
Beds perpetually made
A window with a view,
with the curtains drawn


Down, in the basement

Alone, in the yard
I knew it would hit me,
just not this hard

A simple fact of life,

but it feels like a test
They spread their wings,
and they leave the nest


I wander and I wonder,
cleaning up for one
Swept up in thoughts of you
until the work is done
A vacuum, and a broom
The dust in your room
Faint specks of yesterday,
settled, and then none 

The quiet of the night,
t
he silence of compromise
C
alendar on the fridge,
c
old comfort, as time flies
Circles, that tell me when
Two weeks until then
A small glimmer of hope,
faint in
a father’s eyes

 

Empty, in your bedroom
Alone, at the table
I glance to your pictures,
when my heart feels able

Sad solace in knowing
that it’s for the best
When life calls them,
and they leave the nest

 


Ascend

ASCEND
I thought that I was strong

and focused
and wise
Then pain came along
and clouded my eyes
Feb. 3rd.
20170710_095350[1]

Physical pain
with its fists
with its knife
The singular beat downs
and the double life

Bravely buried face
belying its agony
denying its control
Digging myself deeper
into a cavernous hole

Psychological pain
with its depression
with its doubt
The sinking in
and the lashing out

Dirty dark delusion
outside of my head
inside of my gut
The filthy depths
of my rotted rut

Emotional pain
with its superiority
with its second face
The nightly bring downs
putting me in my place

Soiled sullen eyes
unable to sleep
unwilling to see
The smudge of support
lying with me


I thought that I was alone

with my pain
and my compromise

Then healing arrived
to lift up my eyes
Sun for Every

Holistic healing
with healthier habits

without the medication
A stairway between me
and my situation

Patience plus purpose
in a manner of time
and a matter of space
An unobstructed view
from a loftier place

Professional healing
with nothing to lose
with everything to gain
A lucid escape
from my pit of pain

Calm cleansing clarity
sure answers
assured absolution
A clean break
from all of the pollution

My healing family
all of the conversations
none of the demanding

A tower of compassion
and understanding

Brightened blue eyes
able to dream
ascending to see
A horizon of hope
in front of me

 

Forward

” Same old, same old.
Another day, another dollar.  
  I’m retiring in a while.
Grinning and baring it.
Going through the motions.
Same shit, different pile.
East gate here we go again[1]
” Easier said than done.

Nothing better out there.
I’ve been here this long.
I can’t take that chance.
Better safe than sorry.
What if I am wrong? ”
IMG_20141103_124147[1]
Forward
Life is far too short
No risk means no reward
So do it for yourself
It’s time…you can’t afford

I look to those who have done it
The tension of compromise long gone
They all have bettered themselves
Their life…their own, after moving on

IMG_20150722_142011[1]
The fact that they seldom look back

A safe distance from where they stood
Happy with who and where they are
It is a better life…when life is good

Pic3 for Alive
They chose a new and different path

To move forward, while they can
Each with their own ambition
Each…to become a better man

Try3
Because life is far too short

Peace of mind is your reward
M
ake yourself happy now

It’s time…you can’t afford

 

Infringement

         Infringement

Ideas float through the air
It’s a new age, once again
Some of them will never return
Cyberspace…is free reign

There is no concept copyright
Too sad if ethics are missed
Too bad re: common decency
Not tangible…doesn’t exist

Who cares where it came from
What was written, what was read
Just erase the trail of evidence
Then it’s he said…vs. he said


IMG_20150324_113643[1]

However…
It can feel like a very small town
When that certain line gets crossed
The respect that you have gathered
Is compromised…and then it’s lost

It goes around and it comes around
Word will get out when it’s spread
Thought you already had problems?
Add this…to the mess in your head

We are both aware of the facts
And at least one of us cares
The one who will close his book
Reconsider…with whom he shares

It’s just a matter of talk and time
Your transparent cover will be blown
Guilty in the court of public opinion
Close the laptop…pick up the phone

There is a compromise to be had
Save face, lest the truth be known
A chance for you to make amends
To own up…to what you don’t own

Setback


IMG_20150125_103623[1]

Setback

The long and straight road
 just around this curve
The hard-earned happiness
that we all deserve…


Just when we felt ready

for our lives to improve
The rug is pulled out
weeks from our move
Naïve to true character
 the greed of this clown
Did not see it coming
and he took us down

Worse because of our wait
until the timing was right
Patience and compromise
and our goal was in sight
We lost what we found
in the blink of an eye
Contractual loop-hole
the worst reason why

Unethical and unchristian
in every last way
A faith that escapes me
 with no place to stay
Hard to understand
decency so easily lost
Unconcerned about effects
or the considerable cost

Anger and resentment
attached to this news
Struggling with my will
and the retribution blues
Sleepless once again
from selfish lack of reason
Leaving a family homeless
during the coldest season


Seasons change…


Battling these elements
we are not alone
The reason of others
has calmed my tone
Strength in our number
at the end of this rope
The warmth of words
is a blanket of hope

The comfort of friends
reassuring calm voices
Easing our urgency
by revealing our choices
Strength in our situation
a position of power
Snapped back to reality
like the coldest shower

It is just a matter of time
not too far away
The stars will align
and peace will come our way
Spiritual, solely because
we’ve reached from within
Recovered our dignity
despite their sin

The weight of the world
but it’s just one more rep
Spring is in our future

and it’s in our step
Put all of this behind us
 and write a different poem
Just another small setback
on our long  journey home


The long and straight road

is just around this curve
The hard-fought happiness
that we all deserve…

pic for Alive blog

Wait


“Waiting makes wine better; but waiting makes man decay ”
                                                                            (
Mehmet Murat Ildan)


                               Wait

Circumstance beyond our control
Having done more than our partIMG_20141017_152545
Biding our time in compromise
While life waits for us to start

The pace of things has slowed
Life crawls along these days
Like a clock without a minute hand
An ocean with no waves
Like a recluse with amnesia
One lane, that goes both ways

Life is waiting for us to make our move
Suspended in a state of just because
Like a transitory holding pattern
Biding our time, in persistent pause


It seems less about the living

When we do nothing but wait
Slowed up by stubborn time
Stuck behind a broken gate

Plans we’ve made have stalled
The situation has put our lives on holdIMG_20141017_152754
Like a computer needing to reboot
An engine that is too cold
Like a chess player without a move
A story, that yearns to be told

Life is waiting for us to get on with it
Caught in the clutches of just because
Like a promise with blurred hope
Biding our time, in a hazy fuzz


A story we’ll have, about our endurance

A lesson of patience wearing thin
As time stretches out endlessly
Waiting for the next chapter to begin

Carrying restlessness around
The burden of a life yet to know
Like a suit case full of sand
A tree laden with snow
Like a poet with a heavy heart
A moving truck, with nowhere to go

Life coerces us to bear this load
Disregard the weight of just because
Like expectations that are worth the wait
We will bide our time, because life doesIMG_20141017_174041


 

  

                                           

Toll

East gate here we go again[1]                                 Toll

Underemployed and underwhelmed
making a buck the hard way
at the expense of my integrity
another dollar, another day

Paying a steep price to just get by
aching body and weary soul
mortgaging my self-respect
while it takes its daily toll

East Gate
here we go again
thinking about getting out
as I walk in

Uneasy and unfulfilled
valuable time is wasting away
small return on substantial investment
just another dollar, just another day

No real long-term interest
keeping pace with the cost of living
repeatedly taxing my every nerve
all taking and no giving

East Gate
here we go again
already exhausted
as I walk in

Unrewarding and unrelenting
a payroll number with no say
no incentive to add value
same old dollar, same old day

Waging my own personal battle
time is money, tick toc
physically and mentally spent
literally wanting to punch the clock

East Gate
here we go again
thinking about leaving
as I walk in

Uncertain but undeterred
there has to be a better way
without this risk there is no reward
one more dollar, one more day

It’s time to save for my future
to find myself, before I get lost
this life has so much more to offer
getting out… is worth the cost

East Gate…
never again.

LEAVE

blocked path
The way you sapped my daily strength
With a negative outlook and minimal view
I used to wake up and hope for more
There was little left of me, and none for you
 
Our everyday had become a cliché
Your glass was empty, mine half full
Positives only attract when they align
Our physical magnet had lost its pull
 
The motivation that love should have and hold
Would never be as steady as it was before
Inspiration lost in a half-written verse
Long since crumpled and fallen to the floor

The happiness that I thought you were
Was not the person that I came to see
It took its toll on my diminished soul
There was little left of you, and none of me

It was time for me to leave…
No need to talk about it any more
No point in picking up the phone
Love had left and closed the door
I just wanted to be alone.
 
Morning thoughts were common dreams
Plans we made to embrace each day
A life enhanced by family and friends
Escapes from work, to get away
 
Was it just wishful thinking on my part
A failure to recognize what was real
The words you thought I needed to hear
Concessions to shape the way I’d feel
 
How else do I explain the unusual dissent
The change in outlook, the hurt so raw
The disappointment of life gone wrong
Feelings of failure, the final straw
 
Abandoned journey to expand our horizons
With the richness of the world we treasure
You snatched away the joy of making plans
Not for family, and none for pleasure
 
I had no choice except to leave…
Stagnant emotions in a haze of doubt
Stuck in the rut inside our home
Losing the will to live each day
Essential for me to be alone.
 
I’d find you asleep in a motionless chair
Your maternal glow was a sure attraction
That emotion I felt though, was rarely there
Addition somehow had become your subtraction
 
We dreamed about the treasure of a family
Two new lives should boost our worth
The richness of growing all as one
The reason it’s called the joy of birth
 
We are supposed to be here to shine their way
Beacons of love that will help them see
Not a dark cloud on a dimly lit horizon
I can’t even comprehend how this can be
 

Unhealthy to be bound by just because
What they should not view as man and wife
Pursue different paths to what is true
Set good examples and embrace this life


It was mindful relief for me to leave…

To get away from those hard feelings
The hurtful words, the harmful tone
To create a quiet space for healing
I just needed to be alone.

To grow and know and thrive and be
An open window to the world around

Search and explore and discover more
Something got lost and was never found

Reality had become my weary burden
Despite our willingness to share the load

Exhausted from worry that need not be

Too drained to carry us down that road

We altered our course to one unknown
An unfamiliar route lined with doubt
An uneven trail on a winding path
To stop the commotion I needed to get out

I knew it was time for me to leave…
We both understood the vital signs

An agonizing while that we had known

That time had left us far behind

It was time for us to be alone.

%d bloggers like this: