Past

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…
Just promise me we’ll be alright
But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we’ll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we’ll live a long life”
‘Ghosts That We Knew’
– Mumford & Sons


Past

I took a chance
and let you into my heart.
I let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
for me and you,
but little did I know.


I discovered your wounds,

written in your own words,
there, for anyone to see.
Cuts and bruises,
vital accumulation,
scars, that you never showed me.

The breadth of your struggles,
so much I didn’t know,
spread across my screen.
Instead of in my mind.
Instead of in my heart,
where they should have been.

I took your determination,
for never again,
as a personal affront.
Your learned defensive posture
as harsh belligerence,
 you just being you, being blunt.

Your fierce independence
was stubborn vulnerability.
Your frustration, was our fate.
The voice of your experience,
sad and specific,
finally heard, but far too late.

I would have tried harder
to let you speak to me,
to let your words get through.
I could have helped you 
confront your demons,
instead of confronting you.

 It became impossible
to live with you
when you wouldn’t let me in.
Hard for us
to start over,
with nowhere to begin.

Had I only known
 the slippery slope
  of dealing with your past.
Known that I would struggle
to wade through
the depths
and dangers of your doubt.

I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have pulled you out.


I chose the challenge,

and gave you my heart.
Let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
to be with you,
but little did I know.


If only I had known,
I could have earned your trust.
I would have opened up my mind.
Instead, I read of our demise,

   determined before we met,
 by those you left behind.

Takers, martyrs, bullies,
sad and hurtful people,
there on my screen.
Instead of in our talks.
Instead of in my thoughts,
where they should have been.

 Until I read it,
I never once heard you 

refer to your mother as
Mom.
In fact, I barely knew
where all of the hurt
and resentment
were from.

Never could I picture, you,
together with your ex.

Made no sense to me at all.
And, until I read the name,
  typed in bold hostility,
I had never heard of Paul.

Bitterness and bravado.
 Broken pieces of the past,
clenched inside your fist.
   Our time, our spirit,
spent fighting with your ghosts.
One more added to the list.

It’s tough to share
with someone
who barely gives.
Hard to live
with someone
who reluctantly lives.

Had I only known
the bleak history
of your emotional pain.
The depths to which
those before me
had sunk inside your mind.
I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have been more kind.

I gave you my heart.
Had I only known…

 

 

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BOUNDLESS

                    
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BOUNDLESS  (for Anna)

A limitless future 
  as vast as the sky
A reachable distance
when you dare to try


Attainable goals

  as close as they are high
Boundless potential

  and the reasons why…


You are intelligent

and you are strong.
You easily distinguish
the right from the wrong.

You are ambitious.
You are dedicated.
Your work ethic prevails
when you are underrated.

You are athletic
  and you are kind.
Your distinct determination
  is both body and mind.

You are confident.
You are sincere.
You will be more than ready
when your time draws near.

You are talented
and you are brave.
You’ve earned this opportunity
through the effort you gave.

You are motivated.
   You are mature. You are wise.
You will surpass your goals 
  to no one’s surprise.


It is all yours for the taking

  Who you are, Anna, is the reason why
Boundless and limitless
So reach for the sky

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Precarious

Precarious
Every morning I see him
barely hanging on 
Dangling, precariously
under a lingering moon

Managing to endure
despite his battered shell
A razor piece of skin
holding him up high

Been torturous months
since that horrendous storm
Shattered his foundation
destroying his lofty view

Many extreme days since
of ice and punishing wind
Chipping away his perseverance
diminishing his resolve

I imagine his motivation
the reason for his strength
The last strand of resilience
that holds him there

The harsh and bitter elements
cracking through his will
Leaving him alone, wavering
on the brink of his demise

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I check on him again
battered by days end
Still hanging on, barely
by that same thread of hope

Any quick jab of pride
is quickly superseded
Replaced by the reality
of what lies ahead

Knowing that rest is fleeting
as night brings the unknown
One thin strand of determination
preserving his weary soul

Nights of wavering doubts
of cold and cruel struggle
Exhausting his perseverance
diminishing his resolve

I imagine his thoughts
through this arduous battle
Through the repetitive rigours
of winter’s constant extremes

Recognizing his own inevitability
his slight, precarious being
Perhaps, hoping not to fall
until the warm ground of spring

 

Sixteen

                       SIXTEEN

As I began to write this for youIMG_20150301_191535[1]
I knew only one place to start
In the bottomless well of pride
That lies deep within my heart

On this occasion, especially
As you turn sixteen today
I find my thoughts are flowing
I find it’s easy for me to say

Just how proud I am of you
Of who you have come to be
The exceptional person you are
And just how much that I see…

I see a free and happy spirit
I can see that in any light
I see your limitless future
And I see that it is bright

I see your kindness and compassion
I see your sense of right and wrong
I see a breadth of inner beautySun for Every
That spans at least a mile long

I see your charm and contagious energy
I see your love for life, and I see joy
I see my rocking chair on the front step
I see an interview for every boy

I see your talents and ambition
I see your determination and your pride
I see that competitive beast inside you

That you find impossible to hide

I see your mom cheer when you compete
I also hear it, because she squeals
We both see just how fast you can run
But have no idea where you got the wheels

I see your creative way of thinking
I see your terrific sense of humour
I hear you like it when I purposely embarrass you
Though that may only be a rumour

I see and I cherish our mutual respect 
I see that as how it will always be
I see how often that we see eye to eyeblack-and-white-hd-wallpapers-4-comfort.jpg
Now that you’re the same height as me

I see how gracefully you adapt to change
I see it, because it has happened a lot
I see you smile, and just go with the flow
This may be the strongest strength you’ve got

I see you as a baby and I see you today
I see the sixteen years in between
I see myself richer for the experience
And I treasure all that I have seen

I see the day and year on the calendar
I see a terrific person, sitting right here
I see the same wonderful daughter
That I have seen every year

Gull

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Gull

I watched the determined seagull
holding its own against the wind
seeming to hover in place

A stalemate battle of wills
with the teeth of the harsh wind
opposed by the gull’s flying grace


No urgency of flapping wings

neither the blustery force of nature
nor the game gull to be outdone

A level exchange of to and fro
each showing a mutual respect
for the obvious strength of the other one


I was transfixed by this encounter

until the stiff breeze graciously subsided
as the sun filled the September sky

The seagull quickly turned to soar away
satisfied with its lofty endeavor
wind assisted in its effort to fly

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Try

Try


Sometimes life can bring you down
and painful realities can leave a scar
Do not let anything take the best of you
and never walk away from who you are

Every day is a battle when we let it be
memories will stay and moments pass by
But every one of us has reasons to live
and every person has the will to try.

This world is incredible and challenging and fun
and the best of your dreams could come true
Yet you run the risk of missing out
if you don’t start by believing in you

Try to always live your best life
Seize opportunity and you will realize why
Try to be the person who makes you happy
and always try to at least try.

Capture the realization…

I know you have had your struggles
and felt the affects of a life-altering fall
You will find the determination to reascend
and gather the balance to stand up tall

Reach out and capture that realization
smile with pride when you make it through
You will get past all of the ups and downs
and will remember what I know to be true

I see the strength you carry inside
and I see the fight in your eyes
I have felt the fire of your ambition
I see the determination, the will, the tries.

You have helped me to battle also
for every feeling and every sensation
Helped me to see the big picture
and to capture this realization…

I realize that nothing is forever
and life can race by so fast
Each and every moment that passes
is one that I can’t get back

Searching within the recesses of me
I find that place where ambition lurks
Emerging out of a well of reservation
I discover how great that trying works

Every minute lost without an effort
is sixty more seconds out of the sun
Every hour I spend in the clouds
is sixty more minutes of potential fun

Taking each chance and every adventure
I will run with them until I am spent
Then reflect upon the entire experience
and bask in the glow of how well it went

Try to always live my best life
Seize the opportunities and challenge why
Try to be a person who keeps on realizing
and always try to at least try.

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