Worry


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Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

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You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

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You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

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Limbo

“As much as I’ve always been driven creatively to move forward toward something bigger, brighter, and unknown, I’m also a deeply-rooted nostalgic. I adore photos, mementos, all bits of ephemera that represent each and every time and space I traverse. I’m a hoarder when it comes to these things…
A flood of memories wash over me when I find these treasures, all of them new again, focused by the perspective I’ve gained in the years since. It’s a beautiful kind of limbo, seeing yourself, your past alongside your present…”
-Mick Fleetwood from Play On…Now, Then, And Fleetwood Mac The Autobiography-

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Limbo
There I am, sitting on the couch

Looking as content as I can be
But what makes me smile now
Are the faces of the other three
Friendships, made in a flash
Cultivated with laughter, and cold beers
The time of my life, so many times
Great nights, that turned into years

Sometimes I sit with a lost friend
If only for a brief while
I gaze into her playful green eyes
I remember his reluctant smile
Realize just how alive they really were
And how precious that our time is
That contagious spirit, so uniquely hers
The distinctive laugh, that could only be his

A note, a post card, a poem

Feelings that are, and/or used to be
A letter filled with distant love
Words, meant only for me
Wee hour messages that I have written
Hastefully penned, but never sent
A shoebox, filled with emotions
Papers lined with what we meant

Flipping through the pages and photos
Snapshots of my life until now
People and places, that shaped who I am
Images of who, of where, when and how
Framed pictures of significant moments
Rectangular reminders of family and friends
Travels together on this wondrous journey
An evolving road, that curves and bends

It’s a beautiful kind of limbo
Spent with people that I know
A transcendent state of mind
And I can choose where to go
The full gambit of my experiences
The love, the pain, the pleasure
Memories, that take me away and back

Moments, I will always treasure

Camping, Christmas, the dinner table
My whole family, together in one place
The truest essence of who I am today
So much influence, etched in each face
My Mom, my Dad, right there for me
Whenever when my heart yearns 

I am able to go home, again and again
With happy, and melancholy returns

Time-lapse capsules of my two daughters
Wide-eyed infants, in the back seat of the car
From half-day kindergarten to incredible teens
Ever-emerging lives, chronicled so far
First steps, dance recitals, and graduation
Lovingly preserved, in albums or on DVD
Even when they seem too far to reach
I can find them here, in front of me

Awards, team photos, newspaper clippings
Memories of play that are always fond
Reminders of an enduring love of sports
Teammates, championships, a life-long bond
Wondering what became of those I coached
Peewee signatures on a thank-you card
Events and people that helped me to grow
Character built, through practicing hard

These boxes that I’ve moved many times
To different homes, to cities and towns
Different cabinets containing my life
All of us sharing the ups and downs
I can open up whenever I want to
These memories, of importance to me
Their significance, personally priceless
Sentimental value, I can always see

It’s a beautiful kind of limbo
Sitting there, beside myself
A transcendent state of mind
Brought down from a shelf
My life, captured in moments
The past, seen through today’s eyes 
Images, taking me away and back
Suspended, for now, while time flies

 

Rebuild

Rebuild

Invested
for the long run.
Underwhelmed
by what your love earns.
Taxed daily
by the emotional costs
 and the reality
of diminishing returns.

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There has to be

more than this?
Can what is lost
again be found?
Can you go around
more than once?
Is there only so much
to go around?

You worry,
do I need too much?
as you hover
above your ego.
You look hard
at who you are,
and you wonder
where did ‘we’ go?

Another failure
is unacceptable.
What the heart lacks,
 the heart yearns.
Your input
influences your output.
The law of
diminishing returns.


You decide to search

within yourself.
Seeking out
your inner strength.
You find that
your heart is capable.
It can be stretched
another length.

Your original design
was excellent.
The plans you made
were sound.
The raw materials
of love and respect,
implore you
to stick around.

You decide that
you should start again
The flame is relit
 and your heart churns.
Lessons learned,
you invest together,
working to sustain
the initial returns.
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Bursting

Bursting
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Only so many hours
in the day
Only so much time
for me to say
All of those words
that come to mind
To paint a portrait
of what I find
Insightful illustrations
of what I see
The bursts of life
inside of me
The ups, the downs
The ebb and the flow
The well-springs
of what I know
Churned up images
of fluid thought
Of what get’s said
and what is not
All of the perception
that I can feel
Tones of my life
vivid and real
Influence and congruence
The patterns, the places
The people I meet
and their names and faces
Observations, interpretations
Details, I mentally store
The impressions and opinions
that I refuse to ignore
Extremes of emotions
like a creative rage
Bursting out of me
to the waiting page
Adrenaline and adjectives
The immediacy of an urge
Balance of a judgement
on the very verge
Constructive, controlled
Consequence to the noun
The weight of the words
eases me down
Explicitly extracted
from
rapid thought

From what can be said
and what cannot
All of the choices
that come to light
Rhythms of my life,
the wrong, the right

A tumultuous ride  
The message sent
A burst of sensations
in time well spent
Only so many hours
left in the day
Yet so much more
that I have to say
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Dedicate

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Dedicate

If only I could dedicate my days
Do the thing that fills me with pride
This creative craft that makes me whole
If only my time was on my side.


I take my need for words personally

It’s the inspiration that I thirst
A hunger that I should feed daily
A craving to please myself first

Words give me second chances
To fill the page with what I have seen
The chance to relive this life experience
To revisit places where I have been

Words that illustrate what I am thinking
The vivid thoughts and lucid scenes
Creating something entirely tangible
What I am feeling and what it means

A place to go inside of my head
Where ideas co-exist and are free to roam
Where opinions and emotions can come and go
A place that we can all call home

No editing of heart or of soul
No compromise and no limitation
Getting out of the way of my intuition
To empty my reserve of imagination

Writing always gives me strength
When life seems like a dizzying climb
I ascend alone and seek the summit
Up and over, one word at a time

I summon my resolve and determination
The impetus is change and personal growth
To inspire and aspire, impress and express
My selfish vow and impassioned oath

I crave the freedom to expose my mind
To fill the page with all I am seeing
With every breath of my inspiration
With all of the blood of my being


If only I could dedicate my days
Could make my living where I reside
My mind could breathe and words would flow…
If only my time was on my side.
 

 

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