Uncertain

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Uncertain

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
exact a daily toll
Consigned to our reality
Confined to our home
Cavernous, in our hole…

The disdain of the social media
The refrain of the incessant news
Trudeau’s late morning assurances
Trump’s daily need to accuse
Portals to the vital information
Privy to all the points and views
Small screens or the big screen
Two for my one. One for my twos

So much that I have to believe
With so little I have to choose

Twenty four, gone just like that
Stuck at home, paying hour dues
Any time, less than well spent
is more that I will lose

 

Numbers that continually climb
The mountain exceedingly steep
Information about our situation
Piled onto, and into, the heap
Unsure of exactly how to react
Dangerous to relax. Dire enough to weep
Life burrowed. And lives buried
Lost and lonely in the deep

Choices, and musts, and maybes,
sown by what we reap

Restless, on same sorry nights
Tempted to pour my self to sleep
Waking to the same exhaustion
With no appointments to keep

 

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
test our resolve
The tenuous balance
The strenuous times
The few we can involve…

Sitting with the same three people
So strangely out of whack
A picking and choosing of persons
Separating them from the pack
Getting together with friends, sort of
Grainy and intermittent as we yak
Me, Skyping on my Samsung
She, Zooming on her Mac

Small relief, virtually compensating
for the contact that we lack

Stuck inside, inside my head
A smothering, closed-in panic attack
A forty minute escape on foot
to the grocery store and back

 

More word games on my phone
with another temporary friend
Wearing out my headphones
Replacing another pen
Staying up late with a movie
Staying in bed until ten
Back to yesterday’s puzzle
Then another. Because I can

Nothing seems to matter much
when it doesn’t matter when

When anywhere I choose to go
is where I’ve recently been
It’s the same day as yesterday
All over again

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In these uncertain times
We must look to the certain things
Voices and faces. Warm and safe places
Music and memories. A lyric that one sings
We must absorb all of the sensations
Even when the situation stings
Bask in the perfection of a complete silence
The anticipation, when the phone rings

While we are captive in our own castles
we are still the queens and kings

We need to absorb every day importance
To see and hear when reality dings
Finding the words and feeling the thoughts
Any comfort that familiar brings

 

I am required to switch my focus
To forge ahead in this lonely role
Accomplish something, anything, for me
Feed and fill my hungry soul
To live life as it is, in the here and now
In the circumstance, within my control
I’m not allowed to live it to the fullest
Making more of less is my modest goal

Regaining my composure and perspective
Some of what this pandemic stole

Raising my head, my eyes, my heart
Extracting myself from the mounting toll
Wanting to live while waiting to leave
Up and over, and out of this hole

 

In these uncertain times
In no uncertain terms

Bridge

Bridge

I do whatever I need to do
Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on her face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish inspiration,
to take me to that place…

I find solace in technology
In the time-lapse comfort
of a heart-inspired text
I can reach across with words
A bridge that spans the gap
from one smile to the next

Often, I write even more,
as my mind stretches out
to the necessary length
It’s a way from me to her
And I can hold on until then
because this is my strength

When both our separate lives
reluctantly keep us apart
I know I can edge nearer
When I find her response
there isn’t the sound of her voice
but I can still hear her

She is my after
She is my before
She makes my day,
She makes me want more
She is my now
She is my again
She is my next time
She is my til then

black and white bridge leaf outdoors
I do whatever I need to do

Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on your face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish motivation,
to take me to that place…

I have twelve hour work days
Sometimes there’s five
Sometimes, only two
I can shorten either time,
I can shorten either bridge,
with all my thoughts of you

Often, I escape to memories,
as my mind reaches back
to our last perfect night
It’s a short distance away
And I can hold on to then
with all of my might

When my work frustrations
threaten the best of me
I know where I can go
When my patience wains,
I look behind, and move ahead
because I already know

You are my after
You are my before
You make my day,
You make me want more
You are my now
You are my again
You are my next time
You are my until then


Love is the bridge
that gets me to you…
And I always will take it
Thinking about you
edges me ever closer…
Until I can make it.

Way

            Way

Never enough time
when it’s too late
Too much to takeimagesCABUIB4Q
when it’s far too soon

The only answer
is day to day

The direct glare of the sun
gives way
to the faint light of the moon.

Never enough rest
when it’s this raw
Too much to bear
when it cuts this deep

The only answer
is day by day

The constant snare of pain
gives way
to the fleeting escape of sleep.

Too much conviction
to just give up
Just enough energy
to keep going

The only answer
is day after day

The persistent wrench of doubt
gives wayTry3
to the calm assurance of knowing.

So much support
when you need it most
Family and friends
to strengthen you

The only answer
is you’ll find your way

The true treasure of living
every day
is enough to get you through.

Commute

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Commute

Car acoustics
take me away
The soundtrack
to another day
Open road
An open mind
Work in front of me
then left behind


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To and from 
The same routine
So I prepare myself
for the time between
Beyond the stop lights
I begin my day
New music loaded
and I press play

This familiar highway
Sets the scene

For rhythmic places
I’ve never been
Alone with an artist
I’ve just met
Reality
on the horizon
but not yet

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 Car stereo
An hour each way
The soundtrack
The tone of my day
Mental preparation
for come what may
A mindful escape
Just press play

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Commute enhanced
by drums and guitar
Outside of myself
inside of my car
On my own
with whomever I choose
Lost in the lyrics
I never lose

 Delving into the unknown
alters my view
The same drive
yet something new
Enraptured escape
in tunes sublime
Nothing in front of me
except the time

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Car stereo
The cerebral way
The soundtrack

The refrain of my day
To different places
I can get away
I strap myself in

and I hit play

Void

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Void

Just cut it off now, please.
Solder it closed and
let me be.

The void has to be better
than putting up with
this.
Day after day after day
after day.

Relieve me of this pain, please.
Throw it in the trash and
let me be.

A pulse of constant excruciation
emanating from inside
me.
Night after night after night
after night.

Sooth me with your blade, please.
End this nightmare and
let me be.

Take away this awful reality
because it won’t be
missed.
Day and night and night
and day.

My mind seeks solace
in this daydream.
My body seeks an escape
from this nightmare.

Freedom in the void.

Let me be.

Please.
.

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Chances

CHANCES

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I found in her that second chance…
Opened up my heart to real romance
A long clouded image had come into view
A great next life with someone new
I knew very quickly and without a doubt
So beautiful, inside and out
Dared to imagine what might be
I put it all out there for her to see
Love and happiness united again
 Lost sight of never and discovered when
A future together for us both to explore…
A second chance for so much more.


He speaks about his second chance…

A gift of patience, and of circumstance
 Dispiriting years of just getting by
Of wondering if and wondering why
Creative talents suppressed by his debt
Burdened by unfeasible and not just yet
Consigned to a life so near to his dreams
  But possible is not always as far as it seems
The right person noticed what we all knew
 Finally doing what he was meant to do
I smile when I hear about his smile…
A second chance well worth his while.


Second chances that make us pause…

Just too close, and just because
The end as near as a slippery ledge
Precariously tumbling over the edge
Confined alone in a submerged car
A near fatal miss that reached so far
Timing and fortune saved her then
Bringing her back to start again
A young life, an unexpected turn
Another opportunity to grow and learn
Miraculous escape from the ultimate cost…
A second chance when hope seemed lost


A second chance to become friends…

Made the effort by making amends
Lost years gone, without a word
Good times erased by what was heard
  A misunderstanding that got intense
Something small that became immense
You knew what to do and what to say
One conversation packed it all away
Stubborn pride, no need to plead or beg
Simply putting the chicken before the egg
Breathing life back into something good…
A second chance because you should


See tomorrow as your second chance…

To make a change, to take a stance
Strong steps toward your goal
To be resolute in mind and soul
To know and grow, and strive and see
Dare to imagine what could be
Seek out life from barren soil
Extract enrichment from its daily toil
Take what’s worn and make it new
 Seize the courage to be true to you
Bound forward and learn from the past… 
   Your next chance could be your last

Sky for SURE

Retreat

               Retreat  IMG_0575

I escape to my own space
to be alone with my despair
Four walls and my thoughts
keep me company there…
A curtain shields the light
I sit, I think, I stare.

A place where I can hide
until sense is restored
Until understanding surfaces
all else can be ignored.

Until I regain some strength
Until my nature takes its course
All else will be ignored
while I find my creative force.

I retreat to my own space
to make sense of my despair
Four walls and my emotions
keep me company there…
My mind fills the page
I sit, I feel, I repair.

Time need not heal me
I have to feel like this 
I want my sorrow to affect me
this, is just how it is.

I have to experience this suffering
I want this productive pain
This, is just how it is
From loss, to mindful gain.

I choose to heal in my own space
to gain release from my despair
Four walls and my words
keep me company there…
Shedding light on my recovery
I sit, I write, I share.

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