Thinking


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Thinking


Thinking, alone in my car,
as I am heading your way
Thinking, as the sun goes down
on yet another busy day

Thinking, about what I am thinking,
as I pause at the corner to turn right
Thinking, that I am excited to see you,
as I am each and every night
Thinking, about just how much I love you,
as I stop to wait for the light
Thinking, that I love what I’m thinking,
as your house comes into sight

 

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Thinking, alone in my car,
as I pull into your driveway
Thinking, as the moon looks down
on the best part of my day

Thinking, of the first glimpse of your face,
as you meet me at the door
Thinking, of feeling perfectly whelmed,
as I have on every night before
Thinking, of this next kiss and embrace,
as the first of so many more
Thinking, that I love what I’m thinking,
as I look to all we have in store

Resolute

“But now each day I’m given
Is one more day I know
A love that’s so unselfish
It’s a pleasure just to show”…
        Carole King – You’re Something New
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Resolute

Most people would get stuck inside themselves,
or struggle to find just the right words to say.
Yet, you recognize that there must be a better way.
And then you ask yourself, “what can I do today?”

Sharing a personal message of positive determination.
Delivering a warm meal, along with a warm embrace.
I see the selfless love, behind the smile on your face,
as you put your own perspective in exactly the right place.

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You are the embodiment of strength in numbers.
Running, together as one, directly into the fray.
All of you recognized that there was yet another way.
And then you said to each other, “we will all do this today”.

It warms my heart just to know all of you.
It stimulates my thoughts to witness so much caring.
I see the selfless love, that all of you are sharing,
emblazoned, very clearly, on the shirts that you are wearing.

I could not be more impressed
with just how strong and just how thoughtful that you are.
I could not be more humbled
to know you, all of you, even just this much, so far.

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More

More

You opened my eyes
when you opened your door.
I saw so much in an instant…
And then, I saw so much more.

I had this innate, satisfying sense
that you were excited that I was there.
That you had anxiously anticipated my arrival
with thoughtful touches, and extra care.

Shiny, soft, silky, sexy straight hair.
Bare shoulders, tempting my gaze.
Subtle accents to your natural beauty.
Eyes that danced, and constantly amaze.

I could see your love, in their clear honesty.
In the moment that they looked into mine.
I could taste it, on your moistened lips,
as we drank to us and sipped our wine.

Our playful innuendo, hand fitting hand.
Walking and talking, doing what we do.
Sharing an appetizer and the same wavelength.
The simple pleasures, when it’s me with you.

Yet, there was more, inside your beautiful smile.
In each expressive nuance of your lovely face.
More of something, that was strongly tangible.
I could feel it, with certainty, in every embrace.

We seemed to hold on just a little longer, and stronger.
And there was this extra warmth in your soft touch.
It seemed as though you were exuding happiness.
A pleasure in knowing that we have found so much.

The realization, that you are allowed to be happy.
That you can be yourself, and be entitled to more.
I recognized the difference, like the flip of a switch.
Aglow, in a radiant light, when you opened your door.

I already realized how much that I loved you,
and I knew of so many reasons why.
It was obvious that we were terrific together.
And I knew for sure that I was a lucky guy.

But what struck me most, on this night,
was seeing just how content that you were.
I sincerely had hoped you were as happy as I.
It felt wonderful to know it for sure.

You have opened my eyes
to how much that you appreciate me.
I see so much, through you…
And I love all that I can see.

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Invariably

                     Invariably

“You need to pave your own path,”
she would always say.
“Do not let fear, or doubt,
ever stand in your way”.you are enough text
“Just take the bull by the horns.”
“Jump right into the fray.”

“Carpe diem, Gary James.
Seize every day.”…

I would see the familiar postmark,
and I would always smile
A thoughtful note, a card, a poem,
certainty, every once in a while
That perfect hand writing
Her unique, unmistakeable style
My consistent, truest inspiration
Spanning many a mile

“Carpe diem, Gary James
Seize every day.”

Invariably, my phone would ring
after a few sunken days in a row
When I needed her buoyant words,
she would lift me from my low
Her soothing and assuring voice
A motivational “get up and go”
Not sure just how she knew
She just always seemed to know

“Carpe diem, Gary James
Seize every day.”

Even as the cruelty of life
slowly seized the best of her20180803_204117.jpg
Even as her struggling breaths
slowly faded away…

Even in the face of the inevitable,
in the last squeeze of her hand,
her message seeped into my heart
And it’s forever here to stay…

“Carpe diem, son.
I am with you always.
Now go and seize the day.”

Toward

Toward

As I was headed
toward elsewhere,
it entered my mind
that I may no longer care.

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I drove by

on my way.
Saw you there,
but had nothing to say.
I s
hould have stopped
to say
 hello.
As
ked how you were,
just to know.
Really, I just wanted
to see the place.
I should have, at least,
seen
 your face.
W
as more comfortable
with the unknown.
I felt a little sad
that you were alone.

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Feeling better,
knowing that I still care,
I continued on my way

toward elsewhere.

Solitary

Solitary
An enigma,
An illness,
A decision,
A hole.

Another question mark.
Another lost soul…

It’s hard to recognize someone
that no one knows
Difficult, to see,
what someone never shows
A lost face,
beneath a mask
A happier place,
inside a flask
A positive outlook,
an impossible task
So many questions,
you can’t find to ask

When a mind struggles, alone,
A brain storm, of their own
Swept up in in an instant
Where it’s dark and it’s distant
A solitary place,
they might go
Where every sky
must bring snow
Left with answers
that no one will know

It’s hard to comprehend something

that no one understands
Difficult, to grasp something,
when it’s out of your hands
A mystery,
wrapped up in a mind
A history
they drag behind
An act,
selfishly unkind
Too many reasons,
that are impossible to find

When a life ends, alone,

A sad choice, on their own
A final decision that’s made
When they are despondent or afraid
Solitary tears,
sliding down the drain
Cold and confounding,
like a January rain
Leaving little more,
than questions and pain

It’s hard to be sad

for someone who is gone
Difficult, now, for those
obliged to move on
An opened investigation
A closed case
A stark image,
they can’t replace
A terrible memory,
they can’t erase
A huge void,
with just a face

As I sit here, today, alone,

contemplating life, not just my own
I worry, about all that is to be,
What I may not understand, or see
The solitary angst,
my someones can’t bare
Changes in the seasons
When
there’s something in the air
The questions and answers,
we just have to share

I give my resolute vow…
I will be far more aware.
I will be here.
I will be there.

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Worry


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Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

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You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

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You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

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