Merengue

Esta vida es mía,20180322_111749
pero este corazon es suyo.
Esta sonrisa es mia,
pero la razon eres tú.

This life is mine, but this heart is yours.
This smile is mine, but the reason is you.


Merengue


My mind drifts from you

as twenty years
find me here
  The people and faces
food and music
  reminders, so very clear
Images engrained
the inevitable memories
that all seem so near
Skies, and waters blue
in waves of recollection
vivid, as they reappear

Tones and textures
some too familiar
to a life that I knew
Dances and flavours
the spice of life
shared by just two
Una foto familiar
of smiles and sunshine
of lives that doubly grew
Of another time
In another place
a different ocean view

Years of love
that still fill my tears
on any given day
Streams of thought
that line my cheek
that reach these words I say
Life has brought me
here to you
to a place I want to stay
But please be patient
as some of me
was washed out on my way

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Barely removed
from those lost depths
from the lowest of my low
With half of my life,
just tied up,
reluctantly, without a bow
We are flying high, together
with so many places
we still want to go
Yet, there is a large part
of who I am
that you still need to know

I know that to heal
I must face up to my pain
to repair from inside
Talk about the hurt
the lump in my throat
as I swallow some of my pride
I will get ever stronger
if I can resist the urge
to stay away or hide
I will be open, and be honest
to raise myself up
to gradually subside

I know I can talk to you
without any judgement
I’ve put my love in your hand
You always listen
you always remember
and you want to understand
We took off together
on this flight of our own
on a trip that we both planned
I am here with you
you are here for me
and I see no line in the sand

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La mejor foto que tengo,

es aquella en la cuál sonrío por ti.

— The best photograph I have,
is the one in which I am smiling because of you.

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Worry


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Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

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You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

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You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

Composure

COMPOSURE

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Searching for composure…

A calm and even keel,
Controlling what I feel,
Knowing when to conceal.
Thinking, before I speak,
Biding, before I seek.

Waiting out the weak,
 Learning how to deal


Gaining a better grip…

A handle on such things,
How my opinion rings,
That sarcasm stings.
A jab, from out of sight,
Catalyst, to a fight,
Bruising with its might.
The hurt that it brings


Restraining words that wound…

Ceased, before they’re said,
Bandaged, before they’re bled,
Repressing all the red.
More composed, with what I say,

More steady, with every day,
 Anger slowly drifting away.
Smooth sailing ahead


Finding my composure…

Speaking more to please,
Calming the stormy seas,
A consistent gentle breeze.
Words, clearly thought,
Words, carefully sought,
Words calmly wrought.
Shaped by their ease

Searching for, and gaining,
Finding, while restraining,
Retaining and maintaining,
my composure.
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Inevitable


Inevitability

is a crutch.
Bracing us
for a life event 
that will hurt
so much.

Parents will pass.
This is known.

Inevitably,
at that moment,
we will feel alone.


An unavoidable test.

Right nor wrong.
Facing
a harsh reality
that will
come along.

Parents will pass.
This is known.

Inevitably,
and eventually
we lose our own.

tears bench


Inevitability
is a balm.
Easing

our sorrow.
Palliative
and calm.

Parents will pass.
This is known.

Inevitability,
comfort in knowing
that we are not alone.


Certainty arrives.

 It always does.
Focus
on
the memories.
The reassurance
of what was.

Parents will pass.
This is known.

Inevitability,
a life, a legacy…
inevitably
etched in stone.

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Good-bye

trail3

Good-bye

Time and again
I have felt it
That pang of emptiness
the weight of a sigh.
Sometimes I suppress it
sometimes I don’t
But every time…
I hate good-bye.


I could see it as

I held your hand
that knowing look
in your eyes
Even as you struggled 
you recognized
my struggle
with good-byes

Some impressions
sink in and stay
Unselfish imprints
the enduring part
Personal reminders
a life-long spirit
Eternally residing
inside your heart

I knew our bond
 would never die
 I saw it, as we said
good-bye


What we shared

was short but sweet
wrought with
what ifs and whys
I hated breaking
your honest heart
Even more than
I hate good-byes

Sometimes it is not
meant to be
Excruciating decisions
painful choices
Personal priorities
conscious realities
Mindful guidance
from internal voices

I apologized for
the reasons why
Even as we said
good-bye


You gave us twelve

memory filled years
 But moving on
and out was wise
One final time 
I closed your door
 Reminding me of why
I hate good-byes

Someone put a wedge
between us
Breaking down walls
is always tough
Family and love are
reasons for change
Love and change
were reason enough

I felt the memories
and began to cry
Pausing, as I said
good-bye


It is just a part

of who I am
It does not matter
how hard I try
The simple soul
inside of me
Simply hates to say
good-bye

We can’t hold on
to forever
Inevitable and circumstance
will come along.
That doesn’t mean
that it won’t hurt
So say good-bye…
 but stay strong.

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LEAVE

blocked path
The way you sapped my daily strength
With a negative outlook and minimal view
I used to wake up and hope for more
There was little left of me, and none for you
 
Our everyday had become a cliché
Your glass was empty, mine half full
Positives only attract when they align
Our physical magnet had lost its pull
 
The motivation that love should have and hold
Would never be as steady as it was before
Inspiration lost in a half-written verse
Long since crumpled and fallen to the floor

The happiness that I thought you were
Was not the person that I came to see
It took its toll on my diminished soul
There was little left of you, and none of me

It was time for me to leave…
No need to talk about it any more
No point in picking up the phone
Love had left and closed the door
I just wanted to be alone.
 
Morning thoughts were common dreams
Plans we made to embrace each day
A life enhanced by family and friends
Escapes from work, to get away
 
Was it just wishful thinking on my part
A failure to recognize what was real
The words you thought I needed to hear
Concessions to shape the way I’d feel
 
How else do I explain the unusual dissent
The change in outlook, the hurt so raw
The disappointment of life gone wrong
Feelings of failure, the final straw
 
Abandoned journey to expand our horizons
With the richness of the world we treasure
You snatched away the joy of making plans
Not for family, and none for pleasure
 
I had no choice except to leave…
Stagnant emotions in a haze of doubt
Stuck in the rut inside our home
Losing the will to live each day
Essential for me to be alone.
 
I’d find you asleep in a motionless chair
Your maternal glow was a sure attraction
That emotion I felt though, was rarely there
Addition somehow had become your subtraction
 
We dreamed about the treasure of a family
Two new lives should boost our worth
The richness of growing all as one
The reason it’s called the joy of birth
 
We are supposed to be here to shine their way
Beacons of love that will help them see
Not a dark cloud on a dimly lit horizon
I can’t even comprehend how this can be
 

Unhealthy to be bound by just because
What they should not view as man and wife
Pursue different paths to what is true
Set good examples and embrace this life


It was mindful relief for me to leave…

To get away from those hard feelings
The hurtful words, the harmful tone
To create a quiet space for healing
I just needed to be alone.

To grow and know and thrive and be
An open window to the world around

Search and explore and discover more
Something got lost and was never found

Reality had become my weary burden
Despite our willingness to share the load

Exhausted from worry that need not be

Too drained to carry us down that road

We altered our course to one unknown
An unfamiliar route lined with doubt
An uneven trail on a winding path
To stop the commotion I needed to get out

I knew it was time for me to leave…
We both understood the vital signs

An agonizing while that we had known

That time had left us far behind

It was time for us to be alone.

Unsaid

 
Those you love deserve to know
and holding back can only hurt.
Why would we want to live that way?
Trapped in a shallow pit of emotion
Choosing to keep all of it inside
Until one day you find that it is too late
And the life you missed has passed you by.
 
 
So much to enjoy in this world
and holding back can only hurt.
Why would we want to miss any of it?
The people and places and the faces
Opportunity to experience this adventure
Solitary choices with a multitude of results
And the chance to grab onto this life.
 
 
Life is lined with feelings and emotions
and holding back can only hurt.
Why would we want to keep them hidden?
The true senses of love and of hope and pain
Your immediate gut responses to life’s beauty
Honest expressions of what’s inside
And the innate reactions we should share.
 
 
 There is so much to be thankful for   
and holding back can only hurt.
Why would we leave anything unsaid?
Whenever a trickle of truth brings it out
The smallest of things or moments of knowing
Hold their attention and let them hear it
And the strength of your words will resonate.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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