Past

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…
Just promise me we’ll be alright
But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we’ll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we’ll live a long life”
‘Ghosts That We Knew’
– Mumford & Sons


Past

I took a chance
and let you into my heart.
I let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
for me and you,
but little did I know.


I discovered your wounds,

written in your own words,
there, for anyone to see.
Cuts and bruises,
vital accumulation,
scars, that you never showed me.

The breadth of your struggles,
so much I didn’t know,
spread across my screen.
Instead of in my mind.
Instead of in my heart,
where they should have been.

I took your determination,
for never again,
as a personal affront.
Your learned defensive posture
as harsh belligerence,
 you just being you, being blunt.

Your fierce independence
was stubborn vulnerability.
Your frustration, was our fate.
The voice of your experience,
sad and specific,
finally heard, but far too late.

I would have tried harder
to let you speak to me,
to let your words get through.
I could have helped you 
confront your demons,
instead of confronting you.

 It became impossible
to live with you
when you wouldn’t let me in.
Hard for us
to start over,
with nowhere to begin.

Had I only known
 the slippery slope
  of dealing with your past.
Known that I would struggle
to wade through
the depths
and dangers of your doubt.

I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have pulled you out.


I chose the challenge,

and gave you my heart.
Let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
to be with you,
but little did I know.


If only I had known,
I could have earned your trust.
I would have opened up my mind.
Instead, I read of our demise,

   determined before we met,
 by those you left behind.

Takers, martyrs, bullies,
sad and hurtful people,
there on my screen.
Instead of in our talks.
Instead of in my thoughts,
where they should have been.

 Until I read it,
I never once heard you 

refer to your mother as
Mom.
In fact, I barely knew
where all of the hurt
and resentment
were from.

Never could I picture, you,
together with your ex.

Made no sense to me at all.
And, until I read the name,
  typed in bold hostility,
I had never heard of Paul.

Bitterness and bravado.
 Broken pieces of the past,
clenched inside your fist.
   Our time, our spirit,
spent fighting with your ghosts.
One more added to the list.

It’s tough to share
with someone
who barely gives.
Hard to live
with someone
who reluctantly lives.

Had I only known
the bleak history
of your emotional pain.
The depths to which
those before me
had sunk inside your mind.
I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have been more kind.

I gave you my heart.
Had I only known…

 

 

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Steps

Stairs                    Steps

Certain steps along the way…

When we are young and so impressionable

When our ways are changing every day

When love and support are our best influences…

Certain steps along the way.

When we grow and learn and live

When we are taught how to act and what to say

When our family guides us through right and wrong…

Certain steps along the way.

When we leave to start out on our own

When we have more responsibility with every day

When all we have learned shapes who we are…

Certain steps along the way.

When we choose our life-long love

When our lives are open to come what may

When we think about all there is to experience…

Certain steps along the way.

When we have a family of our own

When it is time to show someone else the way

When the steps in life seem far too steep…

We will know the steps that we should take…

When we encounter all of this world’s ups and downs…

Those certain steps will show the way.

SEEN

I try to see, in a perceptive light
A careful view, before hindsight…
 
I see it in you, and in what you sayEX TRAIL
Hope resonates with your every word
Entirely wrapped up, within it all
Yet, you are not entirely self-assured
 

Calm in manner, inside of herself
Marking her trail for a safe retrace
She never leaves if unprepared
A need to know, at a quickened pace

Life drives her when things get stale
Attention to detail on an awesome scale
 
An uphill climb, just setting out
To the first plateau with easy hope
Site unseen, on the downward side

Loose impediments, a slippery slope

Independence is her nature’s will,
with a new horizon over every hill

Slingshot branches, transparent webs
Broken limbs and exposed roots
Washed out paths, sideways jumps
Strategic moves to keep dry boots

A different challenge with every day,
taking careful steps along the way

A peaceful rest on level ground
trail3Settling beside the brush she clears
Hues of tranquility, natural surround
Her sighing breath, the last she hears

Despite scurried sounds of subtle fury,
she takes her while, there is no hurry


I see it in you, in that moment alone
With solitary sigh, you soak it all in
Just as soon, you get up and go
For you, that’s how it’s always been

I always want to see you hit your stride.
I will always be there, by your side.

                              

 

I try to see, in a perceptive light
A careful view, beyond hindsight…

I see it in you, in your ups and downs
Energy measured by a metronome
Musical reminders are all around
A withdrawn place, that you call home


His every day has sharps and flats
IMG_20130617_111637Soothed alone, along sliding scales
Open notes, with pedals and picks
His hopes reverb, his guitar wails

Craftsman hands on razor strings
Sometime remains for loftier things

A shell outside his former self
Rhythm section, his toe tap feet
Strums alone, against this world
Internal bass, a heart-felt beat

Suspended existence, inside bare walls
as his spirits rise, and his body falls

Under an influence beyond his reach
Buys the ticket he should not afford
A melodic journey, away from it all
A familiar refrain, it strikes a chord

He collects his tools as he ingests facts,
and hones his craft with an altered axe

His visions of grandeur get him going
Seen ampBut out of sorts, he stops too soon
Amplified illusion, in double time
His insides sing, but they’re out of tune

The missing element that bonds great bands
Faltering instrument, it’s out of his hands


I see it in you, in that moment alone
With a solitary sigh, you soak it all in
Just as soon, your get up is gone
For you, that’s how it’s always been

I always want to see you at your best.
I am always here to discuss the rest.

 

 
 
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