Mirror

               MIRRORIMG_20141206_100633[1]

Facing away from the window
on my unnatural side
The reflection of trees
in the mirror…
Nowhere to hide

Confronted by my thoughts
Accosted by the ache
Worries and frustrations
Keeping me awake

I see her bare back
when I lie that way
Glimmer of moonlight
in the mirror…
So much I want to say

My tired mind frenetic
Exhausted from the race
Worries and frustrations
Trying to keep pace

Selfish if I move closer
to where I’d like to be
Seeing us together
in the mirror…
Seems natural to me

Closing my heavy eyes
To fight for precious sleep
Worries and frustrations
Reflections that run deep

Seems like minutes later
on to my comfortable sideIMG_20141206_102920[1]
I see the sunlight
in the window…
Nowhere to hide

Facing another long day
Like the one left behind
Worries and frustrations
No curtain, no blind

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Weary

      Weary

 My left arm straight out
I wake up locked in place
Right arm pinned under me
exasperation on my face.
Eyes-only glance to my left
3:17 on the clock
 Despite the untimely hour
I need to get up and walk.
A struggle to just get started
so familiar and frustrating
 Slowly turn onto my back
where another knot is waiting.
The motion too abrupt
I hear her wearily say
“is it still bothering you?
  I hope you’ll be okay?”

The pain is now both of ours
awake in the dead of night
 Nothing seems to change
 will I ever feel alright?


Do I sit up or do I roll?

either way is a chore
 Which move tonight?
 The best way to the floor?
Eventually I am standing
legs weary under the weight
I finally feel my body
it doesn’t feel great.
Sluggish, sore and irritated
I consume a gasp of air
regain some composure
as much as I can bear.
Knowing she’d like some water
I’m too spent to think
“I am getting some pills
can I get you a drink?”

The cat greets me with a look
as I flick on the kitchen light
As if to say “not again…
 will you ever be alright?”


Taking stock of my aches

I try to shake them out
 Wrist a pulsing whimper
shoulders a throbbing shout.
Stillness seems wiser
let my thoughts unwind
“Concentrate elsewhere
relax and avert your mind.”
Leaning against the counter
I stare blankly at the floor
choke down two tablets
then swallow one more.
I need to get back to bed
the morning will be rough
 The microwave says 3:39
  my body says “enough.”

Same tired routine
night after night after night
 Nothing seems to change
 will I ever feel alright?


Back to my drowsing partner
dozing none too deep
her eyes loosely closed

hovering near sleep.
  “Are you feeling okay?”
raises her head, as I lie
“Just the usual” I say
and we both know why.
Her hand touches my arm
“try to get some rest”
 Her calm voice soothing
puts her head on my chest.
For a moment I forget
as the pain politely subsides
 Peace eventually arrives
and she’s the reason why.

Despite the same worries
and another rocky night
 Despite the constant pain
she makes me feel alright.

Cold

IMG_20140101_191128

COLD


Darkness fell silent

in black and white
Stark frozen winter 
cold, merciless night

Scant leafless trees
unwary and exposed
Desolate winter avenues
cold, icy and closed

Intoxicating and near
the scent of wood flames
Long winter evening
cold, careless games

Crisp breath of chatter
muffled and muted
Blunt, bitter winter
cold, sharp and refuted

Brutal relentless wind
frigid end to the day
Harsh winter reality
cold and credulous way

A blanket of isolation
numbing and weary
Sleepless winter night
cold, distant and dreary

Light through the window
awakening and reflective
Chilly winter morning
cold, silent perspective

Tears

tears bench

My heart was as big as life
where love had made its mark
My eyes caressed you in the daylight
My arms embraced you in the dark

Those eyes that were so sensitive
closed suddenly as we kissed
Those lips that were so tender
made the merest touch sheer bliss

Everything mattered to us then
We knew how it could and should be
We knew our love was very real
I knew that you belonged with me

The time that we spent together
shortened each time we were apart
I smile when I think about you
It’s been like that from the start

Only now my smile fades sooner
because my heart begins to pound
I try not to let myself cry, but fail
and struggle to conceal the sound

Bitter tears run down my cheek
as helpless pangs consume me
I can feel the love that once was
and it’s your face I always see

I lay in bed and stare at nothing
I reach to hold the hand not there
Empty sheets are all that I feel
and lonely thoughts I dare not share

I’m so afraid to close my eyes                                                            Tears bed
and dream about us once more
I sit up sad and cold and angry
and put one pillow on the floor

Never far from my conscience
I know how perfect it was before
I can’t just forget that kind of love
as we slowly seem close the door

The same two people live inside us
The same two who never fought
The same two who fell in love
That’s great and that’s a lot

Nothing else seems to matter now
I know how it can and should be
I know the feeling was very real
I know that you belong with me

My tears tell me so.

SHELTER

Suppressing the urge to start anew

He knows just what he shouldn’t do

Never opens his doors at all

Never leaves from within his walls

 

His eyes may be open wide

But usually he will choose to hide

Safe within a world of doubt

Deafening whisper, reticent shout

 

Room to room with scattered thoughts

Kitchen cupboards holding empty pots

Basement depths, in cold calamity

Off-white walls, housing humanity

 

Ghosts remind him of past pains

Dragging demons like heavy chains

Apparitions fade into darkest night

Dissolved by cracks of laden light

 

An echo of places and names and places

Unfamiliar feelings and familiar faces

Hallways filled with hollow laughter

Closets shelved with before and after

 

Room to room with scattered thoughts

Kitchen cupboards holding empty pots

Leaking fixture, in bathroom vanity

Off-white walls, housing his sanity

 

His room is colder than ever before

Bitter draft through hardwood floor

He pulls the covers over his head

But feels no warmer in this bed

 

Sleepless hours afraid to dream

Lost alone in a recurring theme

Sheltered from the break of dawn

He always keeps his curtain drawn

 

Room to room with scattered thoughts

Kitchen cupboards holding empty pots

Low ceilings, in harsh tranquility

Off-white walls, housing humility

 

Room to room, in sheltered resistance

Off-white walls, housing existence

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