Nest

I am still not used to it.
Both of them only half the time
was hard enough to accept.
Then the teenage years came
and they became independent.
Half the time became
half the time, half the time.
Then came graduation,
and jobs, and university for one.
And now it’s half of them,
half of half the time.
In less than a year and a half
it will be none of them
almost all the time.
That’s life, I suppose…20171130_094348


NEST
 

Our new family home,
that I bought to share
A shell of a house
without you there
Echoes in the halls
Walls, inside of walls
Some framed with memories,
some still bare 

Never seems as bright
when you are gone
A dim comparison,
with half the lights on
Darkness under a shade
Beds perpetually made
A window with a view,
with the curtains drawn


Down, in the basement

Alone, in the yard
I knew it would hit me,
just not this hard

A simple fact of life,

but it feels like a test
They spread their wings,
and they leave the nest


I wander and I wonder,
cleaning up for one
Swept up in thoughts of you
until the work is done
A vacuum, and a broom
The dust in your room
Faint specks of yesterday,
settled, and then none 

The quiet of the night,
t
he silence of compromise
C
alendar on the fridge,
c
old comfort, as time flies
Circles, that tell me when
Two weeks until then
A small glimmer of hope,
faint in
a father’s eyes

 

Empty, in your bedroom
Alone, at the table
I glance to your pictures,
when my heart feels able

Sad solace in knowing
that it’s for the best
When life calls them,
and they leave the nest

 


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Brink

BRINK


What do I do

if I start to fall again?
Do I pull myself up, take a step back, 
and brush off the possibilities?
Should I just back away now,
or approach the probability? 
I shudder when I think
of going through it all again
Yet, I’m on the brink
of colliding with now and then
I could just decide, right now,
that it’s time to say when
  
Brush it all off, 
before I get hurt again?


Why am I so afraid

of feeling fulfilled?
Do I ignore my heart, at this moment,
and turn off the possibilities?
Is it safer to back away now,
to avoid the probability? 
Give in to my head,
and seize the chance to leave
Slink away from a temptation
that I can barely conceive
With my worn-out heart
clinging to my sleeve

Turn it all off,
and just leave?


Why am I so worried

about being selfish?
Was I not searching, and hoping,
for the possibilities?
Do I really want to back away
from a healthy probability?
My instincts are whispering,
get away, you are getting close 
Yet, there is a reason why
you are the one that I chose
Where we are headed,
neither one of us knows

I just hope that I am prepared
before I get too close.


My smile seems to have an answer,

and here it is, I suppose…
This may be possible, probably.
Let’s just see how it goes.

LEAVE

blocked path
The way you sapped my daily strength
With a negative outlook and minimal view
I used to wake up and hope for more
There was little left of me, and none for you
 
Our everyday had become a cliché
Your glass was empty, mine half full
Positives only attract when they align
Our physical magnet had lost its pull
 
The motivation that love should have and hold
Would never be as steady as it was before
Inspiration lost in a half-written verse
Long since crumpled and fallen to the floor

The happiness that I thought you were
Was not the person that I came to see
It took its toll on my diminished soul
There was little left of you, and none of me

It was time for me to leave…
No need to talk about it any more
No point in picking up the phone
Love had left and closed the door
I just wanted to be alone.
 
Morning thoughts were common dreams
Plans we made to embrace each day
A life enhanced by family and friends
Escapes from work, to get away
 
Was it just wishful thinking on my part
A failure to recognize what was real
The words you thought I needed to hear
Concessions to shape the way I’d feel
 
How else do I explain the unusual dissent
The change in outlook, the hurt so raw
The disappointment of life gone wrong
Feelings of failure, the final straw
 
Abandoned journey to expand our horizons
With the richness of the world we treasure
You snatched away the joy of making plans
Not for family, and none for pleasure
 
I had no choice except to leave…
Stagnant emotions in a haze of doubt
Stuck in the rut inside our home
Losing the will to live each day
Essential for me to be alone.
 
I’d find you asleep in a motionless chair
Your maternal glow was a sure attraction
That emotion I felt though, was rarely there
Addition somehow had become your subtraction
 
We dreamed about the treasure of a family
Two new lives should boost our worth
The richness of growing all as one
The reason it’s called the joy of birth
 
We are supposed to be here to shine their way
Beacons of love that will help them see
Not a dark cloud on a dimly lit horizon
I can’t even comprehend how this can be
 

Unhealthy to be bound by just because
What they should not view as man and wife
Pursue different paths to what is true
Set good examples and embrace this life


It was mindful relief for me to leave…

To get away from those hard feelings
The hurtful words, the harmful tone
To create a quiet space for healing
I just needed to be alone.

To grow and know and thrive and be
An open window to the world around

Search and explore and discover more
Something got lost and was never found

Reality had become my weary burden
Despite our willingness to share the load

Exhausted from worry that need not be

Too drained to carry us down that road

We altered our course to one unknown
An unfamiliar route lined with doubt
An uneven trail on a winding path
To stop the commotion I needed to get out

I knew it was time for me to leave…
We both understood the vital signs

An agonizing while that we had known

That time had left us far behind

It was time for us to be alone.

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