Dancer

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Dancer
I remember my laughter
I remember your enthusiasm
So energetic. So petite.
My great big smile
Your great big heart
Your little arms. Your little feet.

Your little legs
Your little steps
Your little mistakes.
The precious years
The countless lessons
The time it takes.

And I wouldn’t change any of it
for the world…

Watching you jump
Watching you twirl
My little dancer
My little girl


I think about my pride

I think about your progress
So precise. So sure.
My complete awe
Your perfect performance
So professional. So mature.

So much practice
So much commitment
So much that it takes.
The exams and recitals
The many life lessons
The memories that it makes.

And I couldn’t be more impressed
by all I’ve seen…

Watching you leap
Watching you whirl
My talented daughter
My little girl

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Bridge

Bridge

I do whatever I need to do
Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on her face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish inspiration,
to take me to that place…

I find solace in technology
In the time-lapse comfort
of a heart-inspired text
I can reach across with words
A bridge that spans the gap
from one smile to the next

Often, I write even more,
as my mind stretches out
to the necessary length
It’s a way from me to her
And I can hold on until then
because this is my strength

When both our separate lives
reluctantly keep us apart
I know I can edge nearer
When I find her response
there isn’t the sound of her voice
but I can still hear her

She is my after
She is my before
She makes my day,
She makes me want more
She is my now
She is my again
She is my next time
She is my til then

black and white bridge leaf outdoors
I do whatever I need to do

Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on your face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish motivation,
to take me to that place…

I have twelve hour work days
Sometimes there’s five
Sometimes, only two
I can shorten either time,
I can shorten either bridge,
with all my thoughts of you

Often, I escape to memories,
as my mind reaches back
to our last perfect night
It’s a short distance away
And I can hold on to then
with all of my might

When my work frustrations
threaten the best of me
I know where I can go
When my patience wains,
I look behind, and move ahead
because I already know

You are my after
You are my before
You make my day,
You make me want more
You are my now
You are my again
You are my next time
You are my until then


Love is the bridge
that gets me to you…
And I always will take it
Thinking about you
edges me ever closer…
Until I can make it.

Realize

REALIZE


If only
I could slow time down
If only I could
If only
I could control time
If only…
I would

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I take some time

to rummage through my past.
I laugh, I tear up. I realize.
Even the best of things,
don’t always last.
This life keeps moving on.
And precious time
keeps rolling by too fast.

I realize that
much of this life is fleeting.
A day, a night, an instant.
Much of what we had, or did,
is never repeating.
Each moment flashes before me.
And yet, my wondrous heart
keeps beating

I realize all I’ve still got,
with all that’s come and gone.
My health, my home, my hopes.
All the moves of a life,
in a life that moves on.
My present, and my past.
And every fresh new day
that brings a new dawn.

I don’t have to be religious
to count my blessings
I don’t have to be a genius
to be wise
To make some time
To take my time
For me to realize
My life constantly evolves,
and so do I
And this fleeting time,
can still be,
a blessing in disguise

 

 

I look up to my wall
and I am motivated by all I see.
My daughters. My smile. My love. 
The verification of a life
still so important to me.
Flesh and blood purpose.
My inspiration to strive
and my reasons to be.

I realize that
life gives me more than I take.
Memories and moments. And time.
Precious and valuable time.
For living, and for living’s sake.
I just have to look around to know.
Every single picture that I see
is a gift it took time to make.

I realize how much love I have,
and how much love I share.
Family and friends. And more.
My romantic relationship,
and the burgeoning love I find there.
My present is my future.
And, between time and my motivation,
it could take me anywhere.


I don’t have to be alone
to search inside myself
I don’t have to be an optimist
to see all that is good
I keep looking up, and back
I keep looking ahead
And I know that I should
I find so many reasons,
all around me
And I take my time
to take in the time…
like I hoped I could


I am at peace with my time,

because now I realize…I know.
Tomorrows, yesterdays, and todays,
the times I will best remember,
seldom arrive in a row.
These are the treasures of my life.
And my collection of times
continues to grow.

Staycation

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Staycation
There is something to be said
about just staying in
About seventy-two hours, of just us,
a
way from the traffic, the lights, the din
Us, together, happily losing track of time,
while everything we do is win/win
So many great choices when it’s you and me
that we seldom know
exactly where to begin
And it never returns to where we didn’t go
when we realize where we’ve just been

Together, inside of each other’s heart
Sharing time, within each other’s mind
Where the very best of both of us
is remarkably easy to find
Where every word we consider
is purposeful, caring and kind
Where our substantial substance
can relax, and breathe, and slowly unwind
A safe and serene distance
f
rom the lives we’ve left behind

Right at home with all that makes us laugh
Where nothing is too wacky, nothing too bizarre
For our own choice of music, and great conversation,
for our own ideal company, we needn’t go far
A healthy, necessary break for the wallet
A welcome, fuel-efficient rest for the car
Beer and wine, or whatever else we choose,
at less than a quarter the price of a bar
And when we buy it locally, ourselves,
it’s always Canadian money at par

A stay-cation, much like we wanted
A stay-in solution, much like we said
Staying in, and saving for our next adventure
Staying in together, and staying out of the red
Holding hands, while sitting on the couch
Holding each other, while staying in bed
Making love, and making our own meals
With both of our appetites, extremely well fed
Instead of 
spending a pile of money, frivolously,
we spend some quality time staying home instead

There is so much to enjoy about these weekends
It makes little difference what we choose to do
All that matters is that it’s our time, together
And every memory matters, when it’s me with you

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Address

Address

It feels sudden, suddenly, and overwhelming,

when I hear the brakes of the truck
as it backs in, to load up my past,
to transport my life until now.
I feel both jolts of clarity, and of reality, 
going straight to my heart,
having been consumed, for so long,
by the why, as much as the how.

Two decades of possessions, one of mixed emotions,

accumulation, and memories,
sometimes, that seemed so right,
that somehow, slowly, seemed wrong.
Strangers, gathering up all that I have,
packing up all of the years,
carrying them out the door,
and then moving them along.


I think, eventually, or soon, I will find out

that this was a momentous day.
When I finally get to breathe, 
and to slow things down, and to have a look.
I will see a vital and necessary step
on the way back to me.
I will recognize another pivotal and decisive stride
that I bravely undertook.

Soon enough, I will remember all that is so very good.
I will be sitting, and settled, in my new home.
Unconstrained. With the rest of my life before me.
 And those I love will be knocking at my door.
As always, I will graciously welcome them in.
To them, only my address will have changed.
They’ve all been here with me, my entire way.
Each arrives, carrying the same love as before.

Meeting

                                  Meeting 


I arrive with wine, and little apprehension

Entering your home, my worries are very few
Confident that you are kind, that you are genuine
because your wonderful daughter is a part of you


As I look around, a comfort settles over me
Instantly, I am at ease, and even more sure
We say our hellos and she squeezes my hand

Moments later she takes me on a tour

I see warm colours, and family photos
lovingly displayed, up and down the hall
Your own creations, and your creativity,
gracing each room, and on every wall

Crafty signs, stitch work, and oil paintings
Your personal touches, so easily found
Children and teens, newlyweds and grandkids,
all of your loved ones, leaning or hanging around

Tangibly vibrant, with a flick of each switch
The now and the then, brought to light
The young couple, handsome and pretty
Their beginning, framed, in black and white

We stroll through your memories, new and old,
The long journey of a husband and a wife
A visual journal, of his story and yours,
Room to room, so full of a life

As we join everyone in your living room
I look to you, straight across, sitting in a chair
Our glances meet, knowingly, for a moment
neither overly concerned, but both of us aware


Just as I had hoped, with this important step,
I was adding perspective to my happy reality
But it was also tweaking my ongoing interest
with peoples’ grasps on their own mortality


I find myself staring, as we are having dinner

catching myself, just before you do
I am lost, inside my natural curiosity,
wondering about your point of view

I imagine what you might be thinking
Another Easter dinner, like any other year?
Are you blissfully oblivious to who is new,
and simply thankful that everyone is here?

Are you thinking about who is missing,
a little sad, and reminiscent as you look around?
Or are you soaking in the whole atmosphere
Every familiar sight, every happy sound?

Your grandchildren, all talking excitedly
That perfect mix of exuberance and loud
The smiles of three uniquely beautiful daughters
Your constant smile, telling me you are proud

Your living legacy, right here before you
Those most important, just being themselves
A vital portrait of your loving family
brought down from off the shelves

Your smile subsides only when you speak
Voice cracking, behind the few words you say
You seem quietly content, at the head of the table
as I gradually get to know you, on this April day


Everyone slowly heads towards the door,
saying thank-you and exchanging good-byes
I see your expression change, ever so slightly,
a
s a twinge of melancholy forms in your eyes

Landing

Landing
Recent memories fill my head
as we soar back to our lives
Back to before, to our every days,
to an enhanced reality of what that is


Memories, of an ideal illusion,

where it is only us for a while
Longer whiles, with no limits
Waking up to nothing but time
Holding on, for as long as we can

Memories of your eyes inside mine
In sun and in moonlight
In the dim of any morning
Looking to each other for what comes next
Knowing that it could be anything

Memories of many more conversations
Of the way your words flow with mine
Of commonalities, and waves of blue
Sharing the ebb and flow our pasts
Understanding how we got to here

Memories of seven wonderful days,
forever part of our own story
An early chapter in a evolving romance 
Written with ease, from moment to moment,
on unbound sheets of crisp revelation


Your head lifts from my shoulder

as we drift slowly down to earth
With our memories safely on board,
the wheels reach for solid ground

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Merengue

Esta vida es mía,20180322_111749
pero este corazon es suyo.
Esta sonrisa es mia,
pero la razon eres tú.

This life is mine, but this heart is yours.
This smile is mine, but the reason is you.


Merengue


My mind drifts from you

as twenty years
find me here
  The people and faces
food and music
  reminders, so very clear
Images engrained
the inevitable memories
that all seem so near
Skies, and waters blue
in waves of recollection
vivid, as they reappear

Tones and textures
some too familiar
to a life that I knew
Dances and flavours
the spice of life
shared by just two
Una foto familiar
of smiles and sunshine
of lives that doubly grew
Of another time
In another place
a different ocean view

Years of love
that still fill my tears
on any given day
Streams of thought
that line my cheek
that reach these words I say
Life has brought me
here to you
to a place I want to stay
But please be patient
as some of me
was washed out on my way

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Barely removed
from those lost depths
from the lowest of my low
With half of my life,
just tied up,
reluctantly, without a bow
We are flying high, together
with so many places
we still want to go
Yet, there is a large part
of who I am
that you still need to know

I know that to heal
I must face up to my pain
to repair from inside
Talk about the hurt
the lump in my throat
as I swallow some of my pride
I will get ever stronger
if I can resist the urge
to stay away or hide
I will be open, and be honest
to raise myself up
to gradually subside

I know I can talk to you
without any judgement
I’ve put my love in your hand
You always listen
you always remember
and you want to understand
We took off together
on this flight of our own
on a trip that we both planned
I am here with you
you are here for me
and I see no line in the sand

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La mejor foto que tengo,

es aquella en la cuál sonrío por ti.

— The best photograph I have,
is the one in which I am smiling because of you.

Kris

Sometimes we let life get in the way of the simple but important things…like friendships. I made a promise to myself to never feel the sting of such regret again.
It hurts too much.

                         Kris
Woke up to a beautiful morning    20180308_083200
with nothing but sky and blue
The sun graciously greeted me
and I immediately thought of you

I thought about these past two years
mortality, and time, weighing on my mind
I thought about losing touch with friends
and wishing that I could rewind


To a deck chair on a porch

and a cold pint in my hand
To a conversation we once had
while listening to my favourite band

“I appreciate their talent”, you said,
as you tried to give it a chance.
But when it came right down to it,
“it just doesn’t make me dance.”

“What’s the point of music, you asked,
unless it brings you to your feet?
It has to have danceable lyrics.
And where’s the danceable beat?!”

And to emphasize your point
you attempted to dance along
But “the guitar was too heavy,
and the rhythm was all wrong.”

This didn’t slow you down though
and you improvised some moves
Then you dropped your pint onto the deck
and it spilled between the grooves

The whole situation seemed hilarious
and we laughed until we were both flush
I blamed it on your dancing
while you blamed it on RUSH

This became an ongoing theme
whenever we got together
Lousy food was because of RUSH
and so was lousy weather


Which brings me back to this morning

to the sun and a sky so blue
Time and mortality on my mind
and to fond memories of you

You always had a unique perspective
a contagious smile and a playful grin
But you also had so much more
and it all came from within

A huge heart for everyone
and an ease to your ways
I just wish we’d kept in touch
and could share more sunny days

Miss ya big guy…you were one of a kind.

Gary
May 8, 2014

Worry


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Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

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You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

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You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

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