Worry


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Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

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You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

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You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

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Nest

I am still not used to it.
Both of them only half the time
was hard enough to accept.
Then the teenage years came
and they became independent.
Half the time became
half the time, half the time.
Then came graduation,
and jobs, and university for one.
And now it’s half of them,
half of half the time.
In less than a year and a half
it will be none of them
almost all the time.
That’s life, I suppose…20171130_094348


NEST
 

Our new family home,
that I bought to share
A shell of a house
without you there
Echoes in the halls
Walls, inside of walls
Some framed with memories,
some still bare 

Never seems as bright
when you are gone
A dim comparison,
with half the lights on
Darkness under a shade
Beds perpetually made
A window with a view,
with the curtains drawn


Down, in the basement

Alone, in the yard
I knew it would hit me,
just not this hard

A simple fact of life,

but it feels like a test
They spread their wings,
and they leave the nest


I wander and I wonder,
cleaning up for one
Swept up in thoughts of you
until the work is done
A vacuum, and a broom
The dust in your room
Faint specks of yesterday,
settled, and then none 

The quiet of the night,
t
he silence of compromise
C
alendar on the fridge,
c
old comfort, as time flies
Circles, that tell me when
Two weeks until then
A small glimmer of hope,
faint in
a father’s eyes

 

Empty, in your bedroom
Alone, at the table
I glance to your pictures,
when my heart feels able

Sad solace in knowing
that it’s for the best
When life calls them,
and they leave the nest

 


UP (computer-friendly view)

There have been some ups and downs over the past year. Never, however, have I been as low as one lost week in May of last year, just after wrist surgery #2.
But then as you see…I was UP again.

I am even more uppity a year later.
May 21, 2016
Have a great long weekend everyone!

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Glut                                                                                    Clear                                                                                                                                                                                        
Mostly cloudy
IMG_20150513_083033[1]                                                              Mostly sunny

with a chance of rain.                                               with no chance of rain.
Same as yesterday.                                                   A brand new day.
Here I am again.                                                        Far less pain.

Walking around                                                         Able to focus
in a foggy haze                                                           with a clear mind
Little or no memory                                                  No fog and no haze
of the last three days                                                and no urge to rewind 
A dirty blur                                                                   Dirty blur, gone
A nauseating glut                                                      Nausea, no more
The dizzying effects                                                  Opening all my windows
of you know what                                                      and closing all those doors

Morphine.                                                                      So long morphine.
Morphine and pain.                                                  Hello healing pain.
Mostly cloudy                                                              Mostly sunny
with a chance of rain.                                               with zero chance of rain.

May 13, 2015                                                                              May 21, 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stimulus

Calendar
Stimulus
Spinning your wheels

Stuck in a daily rut
Same old same old day
Time for something new

Needing time for you
 Needing to get away

blocked path
Take a trip to the other side

The one you seldom see
The road less travelled
The path least accessible
Beyond the place to be

Where we need to go
to feel more alive
More often than we do
A place like no other
Where few have seen the view

An adrenalin adventure
to the other side
Past the comfort zone
To the weedy

To the seedy
To the vastly overgrown
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An arduous journey
to where revelation may lie
To where something
could jump out at you
as you wander by

Where the mind is awakened
By the elements of surprise
By discovering there’s more
there is so much more
than what meets the eyes

A gut check trek
Over blind hills
to the other side
To the inspirational

To the motivational
To where revelations hide
hazy woods
Sensations abruptly awakened
Bringing the dark into light
Energy to your being
Focus to all you’re seeing

Colour to your black and white

Where nature may compel you
to perceive a different way
To exist in the moment
Persist for the present
To live for every day

A vital injection
of life adrenalin

straight to the heart
A shot to the senses
An end to past tenses
 The stimulus to start
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Diminished

Diminished

Choices you make
are directly proportional
to the lessons
that you learn.
Experience will tell you
that change is necessary
when the investment
exceeds the return.

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The newness

of what you have.
A solid foundation.
Love and mutual respect.
Living under one roof.
Rich with time together.
Better than you hoped for.
More than you expect.

Weeks, inevitably
become years.
Variable inputs
become a distraction.
You notice the flame
is slowly fading.
You light the match,
 see little reaction.

The daily grind
becomes unacceptable.
What your heart lacks,
your heart yearns.
The input
exceeds the output.
The law of
diminishing returns.


You feel the emptiness

of the disconnect.
A well of time
not spent.
Lost hours
consumed, alone.
Wondering
where the time went.

Wanting more,
but getting far less.
Supply
versus demand.
The slippery slope
of complacency.
You mention it,
they don’t understand.

You only have
to see it once.
A beleaguered fire,
flickering as it burns.
Flamed, mostly,
by all that one gives.
Eventually burnt out,
by diminished returns.
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Moving

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Moving
Adirondacks on the dock

waiting for us.
A porch swing, a yard 
our family…
and all that it shares.

An empty house, a new home

waiting to be filled.
Bedrooms to personalize,
endless possibilities…
just down the stairs.

Moving in

at long last
Anticipation
and the wait
Preparations
and possibilities
A fresh canvas
A clean slate
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Fishing boat by the lake

waiting for us.
A canoe, a kayak,
our family…
and all that it does.

Open waters, new horizons

waiting to be seen.
Landscapes to familiarize,
boundless possibilities…
right in front of us.

Moving on

at long last
Changes
and the new
Open windows
and opportunities
A fresh outlook
A great new view
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Influence


Influence
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Spontaneity requires

time and place
Life does happen 
but you set the pace
   Opportunities progress  
from a simple notion
Even a clock 
is set in motion

Often…

We get caught up
in every day
Misplace our self
along the way
Routine and mundane 
by design
We are mindwashed 
to not cross the line

So…
Accept some risk

and question why
Take a chance
and just try
Inject substance
into time and place
Eyes wide open 
to the daily race

Remember…

Decision rights
belong to you
Influence the now
embrace the new

Increase your take
with all that you give

You are a work in progress
as long as you live

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Responsibilities
are a heavy load
Possibility
is an open road
A living thing
is compelled to feel

Even the hamster 
running the wheel

Often…

Rash decisions
carry a heavy cost
The wrong road 
will get you lost
Defining and difficult
by design
We are hesitant
to cross the line

So…
Accept the challenge
 and feel alive
Take the wheel
and just drive

The weight of choice
belongs to you
And the getting back
is a journey too

Remember…

Decision rights
belong to you
Influence the now
embrace the new

Increase your take
with all that you give

You are a work in progress
as long as you live


 

 

 




 

Clear

          Clear

Mostly sunnyIMG_20150520_091650[1]
with no chance of rain.
A brand new day.
Far less pain.

Able to focus
with a clear mind
No fog and no haze
and no urge to rewind
Dirty blur, gone
Nausea, no more
Opening all my windows
and closing those doors

So long morphine.
Hello healing pain.
Mostly sunny
with no chance of rain.

Awakening

Awakening
IMG_20150506_210512[1]
Perpetually incapable
of sleeping in
Yet entirely content
for the day to begin
My muse and I
Both wide awake
With tea, with coffee
With the sound of the lake

Off to her work
Me, to my pen
Equal parts solitude
and together again
Alone with my thoughts
Joined by my ease
A limitless view
The sound of the breeze

Between work and living
The grind or the gain
Managing my potential
Lessening my pain
Relief from the scalpel
A new home on the bay
Endless possibilities
A brand new day

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Impending deadlines
Urgency that can wait
Time, of the essence
Tomorrow, too late
Adrenalin fed future
My opportunity knocks
Like a rush of creativity
Like the waves on the rocks

Changes are in order
Where and how I live
Untapped opportunity
All that I can give
Expecting my best
 Wanting even more
Reaching for happiness
 The waves to the shore

Between work and living
Less pressure, less pain
More of these moments
 Everything to gain
Endless possibilities
I am wide awake
A much better man
A new life on the lake
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Infringement

         Infringement

Ideas float through the air
It’s a new age, once again
Some of them will never return
Cyberspace… is free reign

There is no concept copyright
Too sad if ethics are missed
Too bad re: common decency
Not tangible… doesn’t exist

Who cares where it came from
What was written, what was read
Just erase the trail of evidence
Then it’s he said… vs. he said


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However…
It can feel like a very small town
When that certain line gets crossed
The respect that you have gathered
Is compromised… and then it’s lost

It goes around and it comes around
Word will get out when it’s spread
Thought you already had problems?
Add this… to the mess in your head

We are both aware of the facts
And at least one of us cares
The one who will close his book
Reconsider… with whom he shares

It’s just a matter of talk and time
Your transparent cover will be blown
Guilty in the court of public opinion
Close the laptop… pick up the phone

There is a compromise to be had
Save face, lest the truth be known
A chance for you to make amends
To own up… to what you don’t own

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