Ascend

ASCEND
I thought that I was strong

and focused
and wise
Then pain came along
and clouded my eyes
Feb. 3rd.
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Physical pain
with its fists
with its knife
The singular beat downs
and the double life

Bravely buried face
belying its agony
denying its control
Digging myself deeper
into a cavernous hole

Psychological pain
with its depression
with its doubt
The sinking in
and the lashing out

Dirty dark delusion
outside of my head
inside of my gut
The filthy depths
of my rotted rut

Emotional pain
with its superiority
with its second face
The nightly bring downs
putting me in my place

Soiled sullen eyes
unable to sleep
unwilling to see
The smudge of support
lying with me


I thought that I was alone

with my pain
and my compromise

Then healing arrived
to lift up my eyes
Sun for Every

Holistic healing
with healthier habits

without the medication
A stairway between me
and my situation

Patience plus purpose
in a manner of time
and a matter of space
An unobstructed view
from a loftier place

Professional healing
with nothing to lose
with everything to gain
A lucid escape
from my pit of pain

Calm cleansing clarity
sure answers
assured absolution
A clean break
from all of the pollution

My healing family
all of the conversations
none of the demanding

A tower of compassion
and understanding

Brightened blue eyes
able to dream
ascending to see
A horizon of hope
in front of me

 

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Squashed

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Squashed

She had
no time

for us.
I had
no patience

to wait.
While she
found
the time

to keep 
the promises
she made.

Plans made
for us
months ahead.

One night
away

in a different bed.
To feed
a love
we left unfed.
To bandage wounds
that
slowly bled.

Convenient excuses

from her
instead.
Obvious signs
that hope
was dead.

One dinner
for us
and maybe one dance.

One night
for us
months in advance.
To try
to find
our lost romance.
To save
our family
from circumstance.

Squashed
by her
without a glance.
An obvious sign
that we had
no chance.

No time.
No patience.

No hope. 
 Unwilling
to even try.

No time.
No patience.
No chance.

We both know
the reasons
why.

NEEDY

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NEEDY

Self promotion
in constant motion
Pleading and begging
For everyone to see
It must be exhausting

This incessant need
Intense and insistent 
“Pay attention to me!”

Repetitive requests
Constant changes of heart
Indecisive and impulsive
“I’m in, no I’m out!”
Question after question
Never completely sure
Waffling and wavering
Riddled with need and doubt


Looking for attention

like a dog with a ball
Alone, when no one’s looking
like a painting on the wall
Like the cold to the ice-cube
Needy to the extreme
Like the sadly desperate dreamer
who has no dream


Always in your face
Constantly trying to sell
Conflicted and convincing
“Buy that, or buy this!”
Post after post after post
A social media junky
Frenzied and forward
Yet another near miss

Feeling entitled
Exerting constant pressure
Confused and confounded
“Don’t you see my name?”
Reminder after reminder
Living vicariously
Posing and positioning
 Playing a needy game


Screaming for attention

like a child with no toy
Paralyzed by inability
like a plotter with no ploy
Like the item to the auctioneer
Needy to the extreme
Like the badly conniving schemer
who has no scheme


Questioning your audience

Unable to deal with it
Again and again
 Most people refuse
Sometimes a talent

Can stand on its own
Patience and time
And paying your dues

 The time may come
When people pay attention
When people take notice
To the talents you’ve got
When your own self worth
Becomes evident to all
People may see you
  But then again, people may not


Starving for attention

like an actor with no stage
Ready, willing, unable
like a writer with no page
Like the canvass to the artist
Needy to the extreme
Like the madly competitive player
who has no team

Ours

Ours
I sit at the end of the dock

Alone, on the edge of a new day
I scan our horizon, and smile
Content,
about thinking this way
It just feels like it belongs to us
That it’s all ours, and therefor mine
That we have our own entire lake
 And our own sprawling shore line
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There is a definite sense of self
A fulfillment, based on our decision
Circumstances, that brought us to now
How I got to this position
As I breathe in our fresh air
and feel our cool morning breeze
My heart embraces the moment
My mind notes all that it sees

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I see our fence and our fire wood
I see the garden we need to weed
I see our house that we are renovating
into the home that we need
I look up to see our deck
I see just how it’s positioned
I can picture our awesome view
Even more than we envisioned
I see our tall, imposing hemlock
Our kayaks that lie in its shade
See the route we’ve taken to our place
I see all the choices we’ve made

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I see the end result to our patience
I see the fruits of this past year
I see the promise in our future
I see exactly how we got here
I see all of our perseverance
I see the challenges that we’ve met
I see how we’ve faced them all together
and I am as content as I can get

Content with this life for our family
Content with how this all came to be
Content with this time that is ours
Content, and smiling, at all that I see

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Bus

                     Bus                         

I see the bus coming up the street
I am energized as I leave my seat
Feeling that extra bounce in my feet
My heart embracing the added beat.

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It’s your contagious, expressive energy
An always positive vibe that enlivens me
Your ever-present smile, your joie de vivre
The impressive person you have come to be

Always offering and anxious to help out
Willing to try, even when there is doubt
Confident and capable is what you shout
You already understand what living is about

When your school day is finally done
The best part of mine has just begun
Shining bright in the late-afternoon sun
My first-born daughter, you are second to none.

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– 

Changes have come, as we knew they would
Less time together than we know we should
In different places from where we stood
Life gets in the way, like we thought it could
It may be different,  but we are good

Another twist in a road that often bends
Between work and circumstance and friends
We are seldom together when the day ends
Yet with just one call, my heart mends
Buoyed by your voice and the assurance it sends

Patience and understanding, as we have discussed
We will always find time, in that we trust
Making the most of it is our infinite plus
The same father-daughter bond connecting us…
I just miss being there, when you get off of the bus.

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Setback


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Setback

The long and straight road
 just around this curve
The hard-earned happiness
that we all deserve…


Just when we felt ready

for our lives to improve
The rug is pulled out
weeks from our move
Naïve to true character
 the greed of this clown
Did not see it coming
and he took us down

Worse because of our wait
until the timing was right
Patience and compromise
and our goal was in sight
We lost what we found
in the blink of an eye
Contractual loop-hole
the worst reason why

Unethical and unchristian
in every last way
A faith that escapes me
 with no place to stay
Hard to understand
decency so easily lost
Unconcerned about effects
or the considerable cost

Anger and resentment
attached to this news
Struggling with my will
and the retribution blues
Sleepless once again
from selfish lack of reason
Leaving a family homeless
during the coldest season


Seasons change…


Battling these elements
we are not alone
The reason of others
has calmed my tone
Strength in our number
at the end of this rope
The warmth of words
is a blanket of hope

The comfort of friends
reassuring calm voices
Easing our urgency
by revealing our choices
Strength in our situation
a position of power
Snapped back to reality
like the coldest shower

It is just a matter of time
not too far away
The stars will align
and peace will come our way
Spiritual, solely because
we’ve reached from within
Recovered our dignity
despite their sin

The weight of the world
but it’s just one more rep
Spring is in our future

and it’s in our step
Put all of this behind us
 and write a different poem
Just another small setback
on our long  journey home


The long and straight road

is just around this curve
The hard-fought happiness
that we all deserve…

pic for Alive blog

Wait


“Waiting makes wine better; but waiting makes man decay ”
                                                                            (
Mehmet Murat Ildan)


                               Wait

Circumstance beyond our control
Having done more than our partIMG_20141017_152545
Biding our time in compromise
While life waits for us to start

The pace of things has slowed
Life crawls along these days
Like a clock without a minute hand
An ocean with no waves
Like a recluse with amnesia
One lane, that goes both ways

Life is waiting for us to make our move
Suspended in a state of just because
Like a transitory holding pattern
Biding our time, in persistent pause


It seems less about the living

When we do nothing but wait
Slowed up by stubborn time
Stuck behind a broken gate

Plans we’ve made have stalled
The situation has put our lives on holdIMG_20141017_152754
Like a computer needing to reboot
An engine that is too cold
Like a chess player without a move
A story, that yearns to be told

Life is waiting for us to get on with it
Caught in the clutches of just because
Like a promise with blurred hope
Biding our time, in a hazy fuzz


A story we’ll have, about our endurance

A lesson of patience wearing thin
As time stretches out endlessly
Waiting for the next chapter to begin

Carrying restlessness around
The burden of a life yet to know
Like a suit case full of sand
A tree laden with snow
Like a poet with a heavy heart
A moving truck, with nowhere to go

Life coerces us to bear this load
Disregard the weight of just because
Like expectations that are worth the wait
We will bide our time, because life doesIMG_20141017_174041


 

  

                                           

Chances

CHANCES

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I found in her that second chance…
Opened up my heart to real romance
A long clouded image had come into view
A great next life with someone new
I knew very quickly and without a doubt
So beautiful, inside and out
Dared to imagine what might be
I put it all out there for her to see
Love and happiness united again
 Lost sight of never and discovered when
A future together for us both to explore…
A second chance for so much more.


He speaks about his second chance…

A gift of patience, and of circumstance
 Dispiriting years of just getting by
Of wondering if and wondering why
Creative talents suppressed by his debt
Burdened by unfeasible and not just yet
Consigned to a life so near to his dreams
  But possible is not always as far as it seems
The right person noticed what we all knew
 Finally doing what he was meant to do
I smile when I hear about his smile…
A second chance well worth his while.


Second chances that make us pause…

Just too close, and just because
The end as near as a slippery ledge
Precariously tumbling over the edge
Confined alone in a submerged car
A near fatal miss that reached so far
Timing and fortune saved her then
Bringing her back to start again
A young life, an unexpected turn
Another opportunity to grow and learn
Miraculous escape from the ultimate cost…
A second chance when hope seemed lost


A second chance to become friends…

Made the effort by making amends
Lost years gone, without a word
Good times erased by what was heard
  A misunderstanding that got intense
Something small that became immense
You knew what to do and what to say
One conversation packed it all away
Stubborn pride, no need to plead or beg
Simply putting the chicken before the egg
Breathing life back into something good…
A second chance because you should


See tomorrow as your second chance…

To make a change, to take a stance
Strong steps toward your goal
To be resolute in mind and soul
To know and grow, and strive and see
Dare to imagine what could be
Seek out life from barren soil
Extract enrichment from its daily toil
Take what’s worn and make it new
 Seize the courage to be true to you
Bound forward and learn from the past… 
   Your next chance could be your last

Sky for SURE

Nemesis

blocked path

Nemesis


There is so much to look forward to…

I’ve got my whole life ahead of me
A new arrival that I can’t delay
Give me one foot in front of the other
and I will be on my way.

The unexpected stalls me now …

Sudden news blocks my path
A detour to well-made plans
Steady these legs to hold me
and free up my hands.

Can’t wait to just relax and breathe…

Helpless to control the forecast
Doing my best to find the sun
To soak in an entire day
and plan the next one.

Reel in whatever comes my way…

To push off from the dock
Coast along with the wind’s pace
Cast my line on to a rocky ledge
and enjoy this perfect place.

Find the energy to get back to work…

Put the final touches on our home
  Paint this room and finish the floor
Complete this life’s next steps
and prepare for one more.

Time and patience will get me there…

We’ve got a whole life ahead of  us
Like we planned if I have my say
Just one foot in front of the other
and we’ll be on our way.

We will all walk hand in hand in hand…
and live
and laugh
and play.

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Cold

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COLD


Darkness fell silent

in black and white
Stark frozen winter 
cold, merciless night

Scant leafless trees
unwary and exposed
Desolate winter avenues
cold, icy and closed

Intoxicating and near
the scent of wood flames
Long winter evening
cold, careless games

Crisp breath of chatter
muffled and muted
Blunt, bitter winter
cold, sharp and refuted

Brutal relentless wind
frigid end to the day
Harsh winter reality
cold and credulous way

A blanket of isolation
numbing and weary
Sleepless winter night
cold, distant and dreary

Light through the window
awakening and reflective
Chilly winter morning
cold, silent perspective

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