Direction

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Direction

I am not sure where we are headed,
but I can see you there with me…

Sitting to my right in your window seat,
my one arm held tightly inside your two
I feel the exhilaration of our unknown journey,
gliding together, over nothing but blue

I see you there, lying beside me, 
on a rainbow of satin sheets…

Reaching to my left, I touch your skin,
as your cheek rests peacefully on my chest
I feel the ease of your sleeping breath,
in the soft sigh of our much-needed rest 

I see you and I, talking and walking,
past streets with familiar names…

Glancing down, I find your hand in mine,
as we walk along a boulevard of light
I feel the exhilaration of our shared experience,
strolling together, through an unforgetable night

I make my way around the crowded table
until I see your beautiful smile…

Looking across, we are paused together,
our eyes connecting as our thoughts entwine 
I feel the ease of this perfect moment,
as your glass of white meets the red in mine

I wake up to the buzz of my cell alarm,
and the realization that I won’t see you here…

Staring straight up, at my still dark ceiling,
my mind drifts back to inside my dreams
I feel the exhilaration, and the ease in knowing,
that all I’ve just seen, is as close as it seems

 

backlit bird clouds dark

 

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Deliberation


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Deliberation

It’s been a full and active day already,
with even more still on my plate.
Feeling pretty sluggish at half past ten.
Been going since this morning at eight.

Some friends I saw earlier, are visiting from Toronto.
Was planning to meet them later for drinks.
I am going to have a hot shower first,
and then I’ll see what my body thinks.

I toss my shirt and gitch in the laundry
and grab my bath towel from off the rack.
As I leave my room, I hear a faint whisper,
so I stop, I listen, and then I go back.

Scanning the room from the doorway
I can see, of course, that there’s nobody there.
Must be my phone, in the pocket of my jeans
which earlier I’d slung over the back of the chair.

I slide my cell phone out, and I take a look.
Nothing to see there but my cover screen.
No open apps, or videos playing,
so I slide it back in, to where it had been.

Turning once more to leave, I hear it again.
This time a little louder, and a little more clear.
It seems to be coming from near my bed,
and the voice I hear says, “Gary come here.”

A little less tired now, and a lot more freaked out,
I inch a little closer, and the voice speaks again.
This time adament, with much more authourity.
“Do you really need to go out? It’s well after ten.”

“Who’s there?”, I ask, speaking to no one,
looking in the direction of the pyjamas on my bed.
“Who are you, and what do you want with me?”
“I want you stay home tonight, just like I said.”

Now certain that I must be hallucinating,
I flee my room and head down the hall,
past the closet and toward the bathroom,
rocking the print that hangs on the wall.

I come face to face with myself in the mirror.
Needing a reality check, I smack my cheek.
Feeling it’s sting, I speak my thoughts aloud.
“It has been a busy day. And a very busy week.”

Still hoping that a shower might wake me up,
I hang up my towel and pull back the curtain.
Spend equal time washing, and convincing myself,
“pyjamas can’t talk, of that I am certain.”

I finish up with a cold blast of water, 
with similar results as the slap to my face.
If I am going downtown I had better hurry.
With renewed focus I pick up the pace.

Wrapped in my towel and rapt in thought,
I strategize my night while I brush my hair.
Thinking now of my best way to travel,
glasses or contacts, and what shirt to wear.

Distracted by the tasks on my mental list
and the momentum of my slight energy burst,
I find myself standing back in my room,
with a tall glass of water to quench my thirst.

After a lengthy guzzle, I reach for my jeans,
pull one pant leg up and then make it two.
As I tighten my belt I hear a different voice,
“So glad we’re going out, Gary. Good for you.”

I take a quick step back, with an audable shriek,
knock over the glass in my astounded haste.
“It’s me Gene, Hey, I’m right down here.”
The words seem to have come from below my waist.

“Good thing you didn’t listen to that guy.
He’s flat and lazy, and a complete bore.
Grab your cash and your keys.  I’ve got your cell. 
Let’s call a cab and we can wait by the door.”

“Who you calling flat? You denim deadbeat!”
My head jerks quickly in the direction of my bed.
“Ya you, Levi, with your zipper and your attitude.”
And yes, I clearly just heard what my pyjamas said.

“Always making this guy empty your pockets.
Give him a break. Your material is wearing thin.
He is a bad influence on you Gary. Take a night off.
Listen to PJ, get comfortable with me and stay in.”

“Come on lounge boy! Don’t zap his momentum.
You, with your save some money, save your liver crap.
He knows when to say when, and it ain’t now.
Not with good friends, and so many good beers on tap.”

At this point, stuck in the middle, I decide to just go with it.
I muster up some courage and I join in the debate.
“Gene, I get it, you have some some very valid points.
And PJ, I am tired, and been going non-stop since eight.”

Immersed in this, and actually needing to make a decision,
I get an idea, that gives both sides a chance.
I take off the jeans, or Gene, and I lay them/him on the bed.
I will take some time to think, and decide between pjs or pants?

“When I get back from finishing in the bathroom, I’ll choose.
You two try to get along. I’m giving myself ten minutes to decide.”
My underwear and I depart, back down the hall to brush my teeth,
both with a vested interest in selecting one side.

As I floss and weigh both of the night’s options,
I can feel the cumulative effects of all that I did today.
Yet, it would be nice to see Greg and Chrissy again.
I only saw them for a bit, and they did come all this way.

Spitting out the last swish of my mouthwash,
a realization comes over me, and suddenly I know.
I figure, if any of my clothes are speaking to me,
I obviously need some rest, so it’s wiser not to go.

I make it official, by going from contacts to glasses,
confident and pleased with the logic I choose.
Proud of myself for deciding to be responsible,
I return to my room, to deliver the news.

I can hear some murmuring and muffled obscenities.
The bickering gets louder as I walk through the door.
Once inside, however, I am met with complete silence,
fully expecting to find one of them lying on the floor.

Still side by side on the bed, are anxious jeans and pyjamas.
And you could cut the tension with a knife.
I preface my delivery with some token respect,
“I appreciate your concern fellas, but it is my life.”

“While I am seldom one to let responsibility slow me down,
I do have to learn, sometime, when I’ve had enough.
After careful deliberation, I’ve decided to stay home.
Sorry about that Gene, but if you don’t like it, tough.”

“A little harsh Gary, but I suppose it’s okay, just this once.
But I hope you don’t make it a habit to be so boring.
Because there is nothing more sad or pathetic
than a lazy ass, on a Saturday, at eleven, snoring.”

“Point taken Gene. Speaking of a little harsh.”
I toss him in the basket with the other dirty guys.
“I guess it’s you and me PJ, let’s watch some tv.”
“Good idea Gary. And you’re not boring, you are wise.”

I immediately feel comfortable as I put on the pyjamas,
adding a sweat shirt to my lack of cares.
After texting my friends to politely apologize,
I refill my water and we head down the stairs.

After flipping on a lamp, I turn on the television,
pick up a remote that had fallen on the floor.
I plop myself down into my favourite lazy boy,
which seems oddly appropriate, because of before.

“There is nothing wrong with a nice night in.
It doesn’t always have to be go, go, go.”
That was just me, justifying to myself,
wanting to make sure, that both of us know.

Finally settled, I think, I scroll through my movie choices.
“Don’t sit there. Come lie down with me. No need to slouch.”
Hearing this, I am actually more exasperated than surprised.
It’s a sexy female voice, coming from the couch.

Weiland

 Weiland
Certain impressions

Cemented imprints
  Moments, that always
  Will remain with me.
Stamps of clarity
Distinct interpretations
Times, to never forget
That only I may see.

A concert among many
A smallish venue
Dedicated patrons
Pressed against the gates.
At that precise instant
I saw it in his eyes
The sure realization
The nod to his mates.

He knew he had us
The right people
Pleased to meet us
At one with his crowd.
With each familiar track
We rose to the occasion
To a body of work
That made him proud.

Belying his frailty
Gaunt and ashen
Worn down by the life
And wearing the age.
The consummate showman
Doing his thing
The slightest of figures
Commanding the stage.

I remember it vividly
The crispness of the performance
Struck by the energy
The electricity, the pace.
Tight and professional
The purity of the music
The megaphonic intensity
The smile on his face.

The wail of the guitar
Meandering behind his words
The roar of the crowd
As the last note sustained.
All had been sung and done
Two plus hours invested
The whole band as one
Fully and entirely drained.

Standing, arm in arm
Having given their all
Drenched in their art
Soaking in our applause.
 Recognizing the enormity
Of our live experience
 Spent on the stage
Entirely, and just because.

RIP

 

Disheartened

door

Disheartened


His mind was clearly made up

discussion was getting nowhere
I watched as he sunk down
slouching lower in his chair
I could see it in his eyes
that blank, empty stare
It was clear he’d had enough
and his reasoning seemed fair
Other things to occupy his time
what little time he could spare
It was a shame to see it end
a talent like his was rare
But when you lose that desire
 it becomes too much to bear
Your heart just isn’t in it…
and you just don’t care.

Your heart prevents you from going
though you know that you should
 It’s a time induced reality
 and no time ever seems good
You decide you’ve had enough
before you thought you would…

Because your heart just isn’t in it.

 

The relationship was trying
and he had no desire to try
Constantly testing his resolve
with your wandering eye
  Your self-confidence crutch
  and he was just not that guy
  He wouldn’t indulge you in your games
  Couldn’t be bothered to reply
 When you had nothing good to say
and everything else was a lie
  Thought that he would love you
until the day that he died
But you had worn him down
  and it was time to say good-bye.
  His heart just wasn’t in it…
and you were the reason why.

When other lives are affected
no time is ever good
You hesitate to leave
but know that you should
Feeling more like a failure
than you ever thought you could…

When your heart just isn’t in it.

 

You feel a sharp pain in your arm
like getting shot with a gun
  Remembering that just last week
you had pain in the other one
You’ve lost your motivation
  preparation is no longer fun
Spend less time in the gym
 reduce your training to none
Spend more time with your family
be able to play catch with your son
You know you’ve taken your last shot

that you’ve scored your last run
Realize it’s time to hang them up
your final game has been won.
Your heart just isn’t in it…

and you know that you are done.

Repetition has worn you down
to a level below where you stood
Your motor has lost its drive
nothing left under the hood
So sure that you would do it
until your body no longer could…

But your heart just isn’t in it
And that never feels good.

Life happens to us all
that’s just how it goes
Seldom does it make sense
yet, the heart just knows.

 

 

Magnetic

                                                                                                      magnetic

           

Magnetic

There is a prevailing appeal
when I follow my instincts
This sense of significance
when we are apart
A persuasive force
that brings us together
It is this fascination
that grips my heart

There is a powerful pull
when I reach for you
This sense of enticement
that draws me near
An energy between us
when we’re together
It is to this positive attraction
that we must adhere

There is a quality to time
when we’re together
This sense of purpose
 that says we should be
An assurance in knowing
that we fit together
It is this realization
that stays with me

There is a healthy impatience
when I am waiting
This sense of expectation
with no pretenses
An excitement in knowing
that we’ll be together
It is this anticipation
that awakens my senses

There is a heartfelt relief
when I hear the door
This sensation of warmth
when I find you there
A comfort in knowing
that we are here together
It is this appreciation
that we will always share

There is a strength in numbers
when we’re together
 This sense of resolve
when it’s you with me
An undeniable bond
that we hold together
It is this real connection
that will always be.

Matters

Restless pursuit this need to run
down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where it’s only this day that
matters


Happy and safe and satisfied          Tells me exactly why she feels

  Rests her head above my heart       Grips my arm to keep me near
    Pretty and kind and genuine             Simple sense should be enough
      Pure measure to her responses        Obviously sure in her sensuality

To nurture is my nature                 Have settled into this calm before
  Same quiet comfort condition       An air of duality peaceful and familiar
    How to detach is my dilemma       Never wishing to affect or afflict
      Needing to leave circumstance at full speed and join the chase to where I belong


No right escape from this situation
spiral stairway to solid ground
twisting path from lost to found
away from the arms of yesterday
to where it’s only this way that
matters


Time and space and in between         Barely standing on shaky legs
  Misunderstood meandering man       Looking for the straight answer
   Accepting and expecting and free      Open to possibilities and change
     Uncertain of which way to turn            Divided with my head in the clouds

To settle has been my pattern           An ego fed love I can never return
  Boundless bravado housed inside    A shadow beside my former self
   To pursue is what I’ve got to do          Releasing the will to grasp at chance
     Needing to motivate my willing legs and take purposeful strides toward fulfillment


I want to take her hand and run
down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where I can have my say in what
matters


Exciting and vital and full of life            Challenging my every need to know

  Chasing her essence lost in a trance     I see so much living behind her eyes
    Radiant and bright and so aware           Yet suspended in a well of reserve
     She shines a light in my search               Love lost places that I hope to find

To burst out through an open door          Releasing the passion that controls me
  Carrying all the devotion I have to give    Leaving behind this tormented soul
   To swiftly scoop her up on my way            Imagining a path to where we belong
     Confident in knowing this is right and completely prepared to sprint into the sun


I have to take her hand and run

down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where it’s only today that
matters

Moment

Inspired by love.

 

Soaking it all in with ease

you take my breath away

and my heart flutters…

 

Like the soft light of a candle

near an open window.

A realization that just feels right.

Like a small shimmering star

on a clear perfect night.

 

Like the quiver of your soft lips

as our mouths slowly part.

A sensation that tastes sweet.

Like that pure certain moment

when our two bodies meet.

 

 Soaking it all in with hope

you take my breath away

and my mind wanders…

 

To the last lingering note

of a song that we’ll embrace.

A common chord that we share.

To the lyric that we both admire

words that trace just where.

 

To a place we’ll travel together

on a journey to find out more.

Just a short drive from here.

To discovering something special

as new as the first of the year.

 

 Soaking it all in with care

you take my breath away

and those eyes draw me in…

 

So close to where you are

and all that I’ve been seeing.

Take my hand as we stride along.

So important to keep you there

in this moment where we belong.

 

To the experience of how great

that phrase can make us feel.

A comfort to hear and to know.

To more moments just like this

when our true emotions flow.

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