Uncertain

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Uncertain

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
exact a daily toll
Consigned to our reality
Confined to our home
Cavernous, in our hole…

The disdain of the social media
The refrain of the incessant news
Trudeau’s late morning assurances
Trump’s daily need to accuse
Portals to the vital information
Privy to all the points and views
Small screens or the big screen
Two for my one. One for my twos

So much that I have to believe
With so little I have to choose

Twenty four, gone just like that
Stuck at home, paying hour dues
Any time, less than well spent
is more that I will lose

 

Numbers that continually climb
The mountain exceedingly steep
Information about our situation
Piled onto, and into, the heap
Unsure of exactly how to react
Dangerous to relax. Dire enough to weep
Life burrowed. And lives buried
Lost and lonely in the deep

Choices, and musts, and maybes,
sown by what we reap

Restless, on same sorry nights
Tempted to pour my self to sleep
Waking to the same exhaustion
With no appointments to keep

 

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
test our resolve
The tenuous balance
The strenuous times
The few we can involve…

Sitting with the same three people
So strangely out of whack
A picking and choosing of persons
Separating them from the pack
Getting together with friends, sort of
Grainy and intermittent as we yak
Me, Skyping on my Samsung
She, Zooming on her Mac

Small relief, virtually compensating
for the contact that we lack

Stuck inside, inside my head
A smothering, closed-in panic attack
A forty minute escape on foot
to the grocery store and back

 

More word games on my phone
with another temporary friend
Wearing out my headphones
Replacing another pen
Staying up late with a movie
Staying in bed until ten
Back to yesterday’s puzzle
Then another. Because I can

Nothing seems to matter much
when it doesn’t matter when

When anywhere I choose to go
is where I’ve recently been
It’s the same day as yesterday
All over again

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In these uncertain times
We must look to the certain things
Voices and faces. Warm and safe places
Music and memories. A lyric that one sings
We must absorb all of the sensations
Even when the situation stings
Bask in the perfection of a complete silence
The anticipation, when the phone rings

While we are captive in our own castles
we are still the queens and kings

We need to absorb every day importance
To see and hear when reality dings
Finding the words and feeling the thoughts
Any comfort that familiar brings

 

I am required to switch my focus
To forge ahead in this lonely role
Accomplish something, anything, for me
Feed and fill my hungry soul
To live life as it is, in the here and now
In the circumstance, within my control
I’m not allowed to live it to the fullest
Making more of less is my modest goal

Regaining my composure and perspective
Some of what this pandemic stole

Raising my head, my eyes, my heart
Extracting myself from the mounting toll
Wanting to live while waiting to leave
Up and over, and out of this hole

 

In these uncertain times
In no uncertain terms

Triathlon

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 Triathlon
I am not completely sure
if I am entitled to be,
or, really, if I’m even allowed
But, I am thoroughly impressed by you
And, dare I say,
I am extremely proud…

I watched you, in your controlled haste,
steadying, readying, and taking your place at the start
And then I noticed the cool and calm ease
with which you settled into the race
Then, somehow, you found the presence of mind
to look up, to find me, and even to wave
Before swimming, strong and steadily away,
from the huge smile you left on my face

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It seems that I’d completely underestimated
the strength and power of your stroke

as I arrived, too late to support you,
through your swim to bike transition
My own personal pride thoroughly jolted
by the sick emptiness in my stomach

My eagerness to video, thwarted,
by your speed, and your top five position

Yet, my whole heart went out there with you
as you spun your way through the winding course
I went up the hills with you, and then down,
my mind, racing along, despite what I couldn’t see
It was impossible for me to relax, or even to sit,
with all of the unknown, and all the anticipation
So I paced, anxiously, awaiting your arrival
as you pedaled your way back to me

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A contented relief flushed over me
as you braked, and then you touched ground
As you pushed your bicycle to your chosen spot,
I felt as much like your fan, as I was your friend
Despite my pent up angst, and energetic love,
I knew I had a very small window to speak
Time enough to cheer you, and to reassure you,
and to tell you, that I’d find you near the end

As you switched your shoes, and turned to go
I noticed the game-face return to your glance
I’ve seen that will and determination before
It’s who you are, and in much that you do
As you ran out of sight, on your last leg,
I yelled more encouragement, in due haste
Wishing that my words could push you along
Hoping my spirit would run with you

As you emerged from the tunnel, weary legged,
nearing the last of your well of endurance,
your eyes seemed focused, intently on the task
Looking for anything that you had left inside
While you bravely ascended the final climb,
you amazingly found one final burst,
crossing the finish, alone with your fatigue
Soon to be joined by my burgeoning pride

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I stayed back, for a minute or two, purposely,
to simply observe, and to give you some space
And as I watched you, catching up to your breath,
I saw right then, what separates you from the crowd
It’s your personal investment, in all that you attempt
In my eyes, you’re resplendent, with all that you are
And in that moment, as you looked especially beautiful,
I could not have been more impressed or proud

Free

Free

April 8th.

At long last,
I can breathe.
Fill my lungs
with hope
with exuberance
with fresh optimism
Enough of
the incessant reminders
No more
of her suffocating grief
I exhale
only contentment
Breathe only
a sigh of relief

At long last,
I can think.
Open my mind
for creativity
for revelation
for honest expression
Free from
the condescending paralysis
Away from
her sickening superiority
I speak volumes
only for myself
Think clearly
as sole authority

At long last,
I can look.
Cast my glance
to tomorrow
to possibilities

to cloudless horizons
See beyond
the judgemental glare
See past
her irrational ways
I focus
only to the future
Look forward
to my everydays


At long last,

I can breathe.

At long last,
I can think.

At long last,
I see.

At long last…
just be


 

 

Glass


      GlassIMG_20150514_155248[1]

Sun through glass
filtered by tree
Silent and still
awakening me
Lift up my eyes
morning anew
Curtains left open
enhancing the view

IMG_20150514_152956[1]Half-empty glass
poured for me
Pills and capsules
numbering three
Medicinal relief
no other way
Medicinal haze
engulfing my day

Water like glassIMG_20150514_153257[1]
shadowed by trees
Calm and complacent
awaiting the breeze
Breath of fresh air
comes out to play
Rippled tranquility
enlivening the bay


Half-full glassIMG_20150514_163720[1]

poured for me
Brother and friend
patient makes three
Medicinal release
freedom and fun
Prescription fulfilled
envisioning the sun

Awakening

Awakening
IMG_20150506_210512[1]
Perpetually incapable
of sleeping in
Yet entirely content
for the day to begin
My muse and I
Both wide awake
With tea, with coffee
With the sound of the lake

Off to her work
Me, to my pen
Equal parts solitude
and together again
Alone with my thoughts
Joined by my ease
A limitless view
The sound of the breeze

Between work and living
The grind or the gain
Managing my potential
Lessening my pain
Relief from the scalpel
A new home on the bay
Endless possibilities
A brand new day

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Impending deadlines
Urgency that can wait
Time, of the essence
Tomorrow, too late
Adrenalin fed future
My opportunity knocks
Like a rush of creativity
Like the waves on the rocks

Changes are in order
Where and how I live
Untapped opportunity
All that I can give
Expecting my best
 Wanting even more
Reaching for happiness
 The waves to the shore

Between work and living
Less pressure, less pain
More of these moments
 Everything to gain
Endless possibilities
I am wide awake
A much better man
A new life on the lake
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Veil

Veil

Ice recedes from the shoreline
Exposing sand and rockIMG_20150421_113714[1]
Shallow depths revealed
In the absence of the dock
It is nature’s progression

As natural as can be
Without the obstruction
Clear, for all to see

Unveiling the spring
The sun’s annual task
Shedding its icy skin
Removing winter’s mask

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So much can be missed
By concealing what is real
Be emotionally available
Revealing how you feel
Like a curtain slightly open
A door, partially closed
A layer of obstruction
 
Your self, unexposed

Veiled from the truth
Seldom taken to task
 Pull away the pretense
Take off your mask

The sun patiently waits
Dependant on the breezeIMG_20140921_105649[1]
Clouds riding the wind
Inhibiting what it sees
Wanting to see the world
Staring down from the blue
An unobstructed look
The warmth of the view

An unveiled perspective
All the sun can ask
Truly down-to-earth
Life beyond the mask

IMG_20150421_114113[1]It reaches for your limits
Looking to take hold
Never shy or unassuming
Persistent, and bold
Shoulders to fingertips
Stabbing, jabbing its way
Obstructed by this agony
A pall on another day

Veiled in this existence
Relief inside the flask
The potion of the pills
The substance of your mask

An unobstructed glimpse
Not too much to ask
Removing your veil
An unenviable task

                                                                                                                       Find it in yourself
                                                                                                                        Life without the

mask

                                                                                                                                                 

Void

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Void

Just cut it off now, please.
Solder it closed and
let me be.

The void has to be better
than putting up with
this.
Day after day after day
after day.

Relieve me of this pain, please.
Throw it in the trash and
let me be.

A pulse of constant excruciation
emanating from inside
me.
Night after night after night
after night.

Sooth me with your blade, please.
End this nightmare and
let me be.

Take away this awful reality
because it won’t be
missed.
Day and night and night
and day.

My mind seeks solace
in this daydream.
My body seeks an escape
from this nightmare.

Freedom in the void.

Let me be.

Please.
.

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