Solitary

Solitary
An enigma,
An illness,
A decision,
A hole.

Another question mark.
Another lost soul…

It’s hard to recognize someone
that no one knows
Difficult, to see,
what someone never shows
A lost face,
beneath a mask
A happier place,
inside a flask
A positive outlook,
an impossible task
So many questions,
you can’t find to ask

When a mind struggles, alone,
A brain storm, of their own
Swept up in in an instant
Where it’s dark and it’s distant
A solitary place,
they might go
Where every sky
must bring snow
Left with answers
that no one will know

It’s hard to comprehend something

that no one understands
Difficult, to grasp something,
when it’s out of your hands
A mystery,
wrapped up in a mind
A history
they drag behind
An act,
selfishly unkind
Too many reasons,
that are impossible to find

When a life ends, alone,

A sad choice, of their own
A final decision that’s made
When they are despondent or afraid
Solitary tears,
sliding down the drain
Cold and confounding,
like a January rain
Leaving little more,
than questions and pain

It’s hard to be sad

for someone who is gone
Difficult, now, for those
obliged to move on
An opened investigation
A closed case
A stark image,
they can’t replace
A terrible memory,
they can’t erase
A huge void,
with just a face

As I sit here, today, alone,

contemplating life, not just my own
I worry, about all that is to be,
What I may not understand, or see
The solitary angst,
my someones can’t bare
Changes in the seasons
When
there’s something in the air
The questions and answers,
we just have to share

I give my resolute vow…
I will be far more aware.
I will be here.
I will be there.

pexels-photo-288393.jpeg

Advertisements

Worry


20170805_142905[1]
Worry

You worry about us
while I worry about you
My wounds have mostly healed
Yours, are still unfairly new

Still vulnerable, still susceptible,
Still affected by so much
Bruised around the edges
Still tender to the touch
 Memories, there on the wall
Reminders, flashing on the screen
Taking you back to a hurt
that never should have been
Pictures and question marks
Still images, still fresh 
Years of mixed emotions,
rubbing against your flesh
The occasions, the situations
With family, with friends
The sudden jolt to your system
When some of your past attends
Incessant and intrusive probing
Concerned people, hassling you
The pangs from a harsh reality,
that may or may not be true
Occasional reminders,
that prick you like a pin
Sharp and pointed circumstance
Jabbing at your skin

Rumours, and stories that swirl
Of others, going through the same
Open secrets and indiscretions
The deflecting of the blame
Sad and similar symptoms,
that you reluctantly understand 
Taking you an unhealthy distance
from the life that you had planned

20180111_121057[1]

You worry about us
 and I worry about you
 This is what I can see
This is all I can do

There is pain that I recognize
Sore spots, we have both got
Other aches, I can understand
Worse ones, that I cannot
Nights, together in your home
Putting myself in your place
Hours, rapt deep in our conversation
Moments, spent lost in your face
The nuances of your smile
The emotions, found in your eyes
A shimmering well of melancholy
behind a wavering disguise
The sharp, cruel jabs of pain,
that stab your heart like a knife
The tears, that occupy my mind,
as we sit, surrounded by your life
Yet, there is no place I’d rather be
There with you, trying to comprehend
Distracting you and laughing with you
As your partner, as your friend
Taking you to a fun and happy now,
And sitting beside you there
Giving only me, and who I am,
In every minute that we share
Knowing, I have zero urge to sit
where someone else has sat
That I am one hundred percent yours
That I can promise you that
I have my steadfast morals
I have my own unique charms
I have this love for you,
and I have two strong arms

sunset-red-pair-love-67615.jpeg

You worry about us
I worry about you
I promise you my honesty
That is the most I can do

Rain

           RAIN

I open my window,
a crack,
just to hear you
You have this way,
a knack,
when I’m near you
I close my eyes
and listen 
Imagine the leaves,
their glisten
You relax
and you sooth me
You inspire
and you move me
You put
my mind
at ease
As you breeze
through
the trees
The rhythm
of your tears
It’s music
to my ears
The breath
of a sigh
As the clouds
gently cry

20170617_112120[1]

I open the curtain,
the blind
Open my heart,
my mind
I see your
scattered flight
Framed
in morning light
You relax
and you sooth me
You inspire
and you move me
You change
my mood
in an instance
You wash
my worries
to the distance
The tranquility
of the scene
Sprinkles
on my screen
The essence
The refrain
My affinity
for the rain

 

 

Remembered

Remembered

   I had a dentist appointment on Thursday. After I had parked my car I looked down at the ticket, and I remembered. 
   I felt a wave of anxiety come over me as I realized just where I was, and on what day. 
   I remembered, and I paused for a moment, before going up those stairs.
   I remembered, in a haze, as I sat, quiet in the dental chair.
I remembered many things in a rush of cold reality.

992212_725285137497757_539786606_n
I remembered that it was September the 10th.

I remembered that it was the date he died.
I remembered, thinking how fast that two years had gone by.

I remembered that this was where he had his fall.
I remembered getting the phone call at work.
I remember seeing him later that day at my sister’s.
I remembered how battered and bruised he was.
I remembered how shocked we were that he was released from emergency.
I remembered how proud and how stubborn he was.
I remembered just how much that I missed him.

I remembered two heart wrenching weeks in the hospital. 
I remembered the dedication of Dorry.1174411_721955574497380_563150802_n
I remembered the strength and humour of Gerry.
I remembered the seesaw of conversations with Tim.
I remembered the innocent sincerity of Anna and Erin.
I remembered the love and support, and soft hands of Lana.

I remembered his amazing comeback.
I remembered his helpless confusion.
I remembered when we decided to let him go.
I remembered saying goodbye.
I remembered picking out a casket.


I remembered dinner the night before the funeral
I remembered the breathtaking sky above Lake Huron.
unnamed
I remembered all of us staying at the same hotel.
I remembered the stories and drinks, smiles and tears.

I remembered what I wrote for the graveside.
I remembered that Lana had to read it for me.
I remembered my girls holding each of my hands.

I remembered, smiling, that Alec was there too.
I remembered people leaving for the airport.
I remembered saying goodbye.

I remembered looking back as we drove out of town.

As I stepped down from the chair, our dentist Dave, I am sure unaware of the date or circumstances, asked me to “say hi to the girls” for him…and he said, “I miss having your father Norm come to see me”.
Again I paused, and he knew just how much that meant as his eyes caught mine.
“Me too Dave.”  I closed the door behind me.

Legacy

       Legacy

Can you leave
a legacy behindIMG_20150113_154720[1]
When your
blood line
ceases?
When no one
still living
shares
your blood?


No children

and wife gone
Ninety-three years
in this world 
Simple facts
for a simple man

Extraordinary 
perhaps not
But look closer
to find

Certain details
of this life


Married for

fifty-seven years
Partners in life-149309_ORIGINAL
for sixty
Alone for his
last fifteen

Literally worked in
the old salt mine
Yet still found
the resolve
Yet still found
the time

Served his nation
in World War II
Decorated for
his bravery
Liberating France
from Nazi ruleIMG_20150113_154846[1]

Volunteer fireman
Chief for years
Legion executive
Charity work
Loving husband
Friend to many


Proud and kind

small town man
Always a smile
in his eyes
Always a kind word
to say

You could see
his happiness
Always could sense
his ease 
You can recognize
his place


The long lineimages
at the wake
proof

Tears of honour
beside the grave
evidence
Of a life
well spent

All that he had
to those of us
who mattered

His wife and
his memories
by his side…

The people
of his legacy

 

Tears

tears bench

My heart was as big as life
where love had made its mark
My eyes caressed you in the daylight
My arms embraced you in the dark

Those eyes that were so sensitive
closed suddenly as we kissed
Those lips that were so tender
made the merest touch sheer bliss

Everything mattered to us then
We knew how it could and should be
We knew our love was very real
I knew that you belonged with me

The time that we spent together
shortened each time we were apart
I smile when I think about you
It’s been like that from the start

Only now my smile fades sooner
because my heart begins to pound
I try not to let myself cry, but fail
and struggle to conceal the sound

Bitter tears run down my cheek
as helpless pangs consume me
I can feel the love that once was
and it’s your face I always see

I lay in bed and stare at nothing
I reach to hold the hand not there
Empty sheets are all that I feel
and lonely thoughts I dare not share

I’m so afraid to close my eyes                                                            Tears bed
and dream about us once more
I sit up sad and cold and angry
and put one pillow on the floor

Never far from my conscience
I know how perfect it was before
I can’t just forget that kind of love
as we slowly seem close the door

The same two people live inside us
The same two who never fought
The same two who fell in love
That’s great and that’s a lot

Nothing else seems to matter now
I know how it can and should be
I know the feeling was very real
I know that you belong with me

My tears tell me so.

%d bloggers like this: