Lu

Lu
I have tried to put myself where you are
To imagine how all of this must make you feel.
To imagine all you must be thinking
as you sit down, with us, to share in a meal.
When something as vital as all of this,
questions you’ve carried and could no longer conceal,
becomes something now that actually is.
Something uncertain, that is suddenly real.
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Unanswered questions, so near to your life
The persistent glimmer, as you have grown
Many thought-filled nights, lying in bed,
with a glimpse of the truth, beside an unknown
All of the trappings of everyday normalcy,
family and friends and the seeds you have sewn
Childhood innocence, and then adolescence
An adult, then a mom, with a family of your own

Ongoing years, learning a little at a time
Altered details of who you had hoped to meet
Your husband’s hand, and love and support,
and a wondering heart’s determined beat
Through family trees, into family histories
From informative emails to a signature on a sheet
Back and forth, and around and around,
until your elusive circle is near to complete

In the comfort of somewhere that feels familiar
Together, at long last, on the Huron shore
On a Wednesday in May, at a Goderich gathering,
of open minds, through an open door
With all of your rights, and your revelations,
and all the years that were too much to ignore
After all of the clues, and then the confirmation,
you finally catch up to all that came before

Along with all of the realities of a good life to here,
there is the calm in knowing you have even more.

∼∼∼∼∼∼
We sincerely hope this all feels completely real.
And that we have helped to make it easier for you.
We also look forward to our next time together,
whenever that may be, whatever we may do.
And I think that I can speak for all of us,
for your extra, additional family…and for our mother too,
when I say that whatever your life’s wishes are,
we hope that at least one of them has now come true.

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Thinking


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Thinking


Thinking, alone in my car,
as I am heading your way
Thinking, as the sun goes down
on yet another busy day

Thinking, about what I am thinking,
as I pause at the corner to turn right
Thinking, that I am excited to see you,
as I am each and every night
Thinking, about just how much I love you,
as I stop to wait for the light
Thinking, that I love what I’m thinking,
as your house comes into sight

 

full moon illustration


Thinking, alone in my car,
as I pull into your driveway
Thinking, as the moon looks down
on the best part of my day

Thinking, of the first glimpse of your face,
as you meet me at the door
Thinking, of feeling perfectly whelmed,
as I have on every night before
Thinking, of this next kiss and embrace,
as the first of so many more
Thinking, that I love what I’m thinking,
as I look to all we have in store

Meeting

                                  Meeting 


I arrive with wine, and little apprehension

Entering your home, my worries are very few
Confident that you are kind, that you are genuine
because your wonderful daughter is a part of you


As I look around, a comfort settles over me
Instantly, I am at ease, and even more sure
We say our hellos and she squeezes my hand

Moments later she takes me on a tour

I see warm colours, and family photos
lovingly displayed, up and down the hall
Your own creations, and your creativity,
gracing each room, and on every wall

Crafty signs, stitch work, and oil paintings
Your personal touches, so easily found
Children and teens, newlyweds and grandkids,
all of your loved ones, leaning or hanging around

Tangibly vibrant, with a flick of each switch
The now and the then, brought to light
The young couple, handsome and pretty
Their beginning, framed, in black and white

We stroll through your memories, new and old,
The long journey of a husband and a wife
A visual journal, of his story and yours,
Room to room, so full of a life

As we join everyone in your living room
I look to you, straight across, sitting in a chair
Our glances meet, knowingly, for a moment
neither overly concerned, but both of us aware


Just as I had hoped, with this important step,
I was adding perspective to my happy reality
But it was also tweaking my ongoing interest
with peoples’ grasps on their own mortality


I find myself staring, as we are having dinner

catching myself, just before you do
I am lost, inside my natural curiosity,
wondering about your point of view

I imagine what you might be thinking
Another Easter dinner, like any other year?
Are you blissfully oblivious to who is new,
and simply thankful that everyone is here?

Are you thinking about who is missing,
a little sad, and reminiscent as you look around?
Or are you soaking in the whole atmosphere
Every familiar sight, every happy sound?

Your grandchildren, all talking excitedly
That perfect mix of exuberance and loud
The smiles of three uniquely beautiful daughters
Your constant smile, telling me you are proud

Your living legacy, right here before you
Those most important, just being themselves
A vital portrait of your loving family
brought down from off the shelves

Your smile subsides only when you speak
Voice cracking, behind the few words you say
You seem quietly content, at the head of the table
as I gradually get to know you, on this April day


Everyone slowly heads towards the door,
saying thank-you and exchanging good-byes
I see your expression change, ever so slightly,
a
s a twinge of melancholy forms in your eyes

Now

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Now
In some ways, now

I am more nervous 
than when we first met
Wondering, if this something,
that seems so sure,
is not certain yet

Worried, that the same ghosts
that haunt my past
will scare me once again
That the many reasons
that this should last
will vanish, into back then

I should not be thinking
about what could go wrong,
  or what I would miss
As long as we have now,

and we have the moment,
and we have all of this


Live in the moment…
Don’t waste your time
dwelling on failures
That’s no way to live

Live for the moment…
Don’t think about
what you can’t take
Only, what you can give


In so many ways, now,

I am much more aware
of what’s most important to me
  And I am far less concerned
with who I am not,
or who I ought to be
 
 Excited, about the sensations
  The exhilaration that I feel
in the anticipation of today
That I can get so caught up,
in something that’s real,
determined, to keep it that way

I have nothing to hide,
and so much more to find
  Motivated, by who and how
It’s only about the moment,
the fact that we are here,
  and that our time is now.


Speak from the heart,
without hesitation,
within the moment you choose

The present is now
Live for the moment,
without a moment to lose


In many ways, now,

I am far more assured
  with what we have found
Caring and carefree,
confident and content,
whenever you’re around

So fulfilled, by what we have,
that it makes perfect sense
to feel strong and secure
Knowing that, at this moment,
in the present tense,
we are substantial and sure

I am clearly focused
on this love for you,
and the love that we share
  With all we have now,
everything, in this moment,
and what got us there


Living in the moment…
Taking what life gives me
Embracing all that I have,
and holding on to it tight

Living for the moment…
Finding the joy in each day
Finding the now in each moment,
and keeping it in sight


Composure

COMPOSURE

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Searching for composure…

A calm and even keel,
Controlling what I feel,
Knowing when to conceal.
Thinking, before I speak,
Biding, before I seek.

Waiting out the weak,
 Learning how to deal


Gaining a better grip…

A handle on such things,
How my opinion rings,
That sarcasm stings.
A jab, from out of sight,
Catalyst, to a fight,
Bruising with its might.
The hurt that it brings


Restraining words that wound…

Ceased, before they’re said,
Bandaged, before they’re bled,
Repressing all the red.
More composed, with what I say,

More steady, with every day,
 Anger slowly drifting away.
Smooth sailing ahead


Finding my composure…

Speaking more to please,
Calming the stormy seas,
A consistent gentle breeze.
Words, clearly thought,
Words, carefully sought,
Words calmly wrought.
Shaped by their ease

Searching for, and gaining,
Finding, while restraining,
Retaining and maintaining,
my composure.
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