Past

“So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light…
Just promise me we’ll be alright
But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we’ll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we’ll live a long life”
‘Ghosts That We Knew’
– Mumford & Sons


Past

I took a chance
and let you into my heart.
I let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
for me and you,
but little did I know.


I discovered your wounds,

written in your own words,
there, for anyone to see.
Cuts and bruises,
vital accumulation,
scars, that you never showed me.

The breadth of your struggles,
so much I didn’t know,
spread across my screen.
Instead of in my mind.
Instead of in my heart,
where they should have been.

I took your determination,
for never again,
as a personal affront.
Your learned defensive posture
as harsh belligerence,
 you just being you, being blunt.

Your fierce independence
was stubborn vulnerability.
Your frustration, was our fate.
The voice of your experience,
sad and specific,
finally heard, but far too late.

I would have tried harder
to let you speak to me,
to let your words get through.
I could have helped you 
confront your demons,
instead of confronting you.

 It became impossible
to live with you
when you wouldn’t let me in.
Hard for us
to start over,
with nowhere to begin.

Had I only known
 the slippery slope
  of dealing with your past.
Known that I would struggle
to wade through
the depths
and dangers of your doubt.

I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have pulled you out.


I chose the challenge,

and gave you my heart.
Let all of my feelings show.
Uprooted my life,
to be with you,
but little did I know.


If only I had known,
I could have earned your trust.
I would have opened up my mind.
Instead, I read of our demise,

   determined before we met,
 by those you left behind.

Takers, martyrs, bullies,
sad and hurtful people,
there on my screen.
Instead of in our talks.
Instead of in my thoughts,
where they should have been.

 Until I read it,
I never once heard you 

refer to your mother as
Mom.
In fact, I barely knew
where all of the hurt
and resentment
were from.

Never could I picture, you,
together with your ex.

Made no sense to me at all.
And, until I read the name,
  typed in bold hostility,
I had never heard of Paul.

Bitterness and bravado.
 Broken pieces of the past,
clenched inside your fist.
   Our time, our spirit,
spent fighting with your ghosts.
One more added to the list.

It’s tough to share
with someone
who barely gives.
Hard to live
with someone
who reluctantly lives.

Had I only known
the bleak history
of your emotional pain.
The depths to which
those before me
had sunk inside your mind.
I still would have wanted you.
I still could have loved you.
I would have understood.
I could have been more kind.

I gave you my heart.
Had I only known…

 

 

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Infringement

         Infringement

Ideas float through the air
It’s a new age, once again
Some of them will never return
Cyberspace…is free reign

There is no concept copyright
Too sad if ethics are missed
Too bad re: common decency
Not tangible…doesn’t exist

Who cares where it came from
What was written, what was read
Just erase the trail of evidence
Then it’s he said…vs. he said


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However…
It can feel like a very small town
When that certain line gets crossed
The respect that you have gathered
Is compromised…and then it’s lost

It goes around and it comes around
Word will get out when it’s spread
Thought you already had problems?
Add this…to the mess in your head

We are both aware of the facts
And at least one of us cares
The one who will close his book
Reconsider…with whom he shares

It’s just a matter of talk and time
Your transparent cover will be blown
Guilty in the court of public opinion
Close the laptop…pick up the phone

There is a compromise to be had
Save face, lest the truth be known
A chance for you to make amends
To own up…to what you don’t own

HEAR

HEAR

It’s about trust

Take me on my word.
Have I ever lied to you?

No lines for you
to read between.
I mean everything
that I say
I say everything
that I mean


It’s about space

It is okay to need solitude.
Can I not be alone with my thoughts?

No other way for me
to figure it out.
Sometimes, it is about 
just me
And just me
that it’s all about


It’s about clarity

I know how I am feeling.
What reason would I have to lie?

No hidden agenda for you
to uncover.
I did love her,
back then
But then,
I didn’t love her

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It’s about time

Every day adds to what has passed.
Why can’t you let it go too?

No reasons for you
to not move on.
Been gone for
so long
That it is
so long gone


It is about now

We have to trust in the big picture.
Put space between us and the past.

No words that I say 
can make it more clear
Here and now is the 
time for you 
And now is the time 
for you to hear

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Friends

           
          

           Friends                      


Friendships shape a life

Make it worth living
Memories from the gift
Memories in the giving.
Strength in the numberMarley and Pete
The enduring power of two
Doing whatever it takes
Knowing what to do


Staying right beside you

Throughout the unplanned
Still managing to know
When they don’t understand

Hearing the hidden meaning
Of the thoughts left unsaid
The silence between the words
The struggles inside your head

Protecting necessary solitude
When reality takes its toll
Sharing pleasure, dividing pain
Two friends, one soul

Exchanging of vulnerability
No question and no doubt
Always worth suffering for
Walks in, when others walk out

Accepting of what life deals you
Top of the pile or bottom shelf
Does not matter what you are
Total freedom to be yourself     Pizza and worms

Acting your age is optional
Speaking your mind expected
The more absurd the better
Most language is accepted

Criticizing when it’s required
Subtle reminders of pretense
Calmly putting you in your place
You knowing it makes sense

Trusting that it stays here
The bond as strong as the word
The vault is always left open
What is said, is never heard

Connecting you to two lives
A defining link to your past  
A certain part of your future
Friends first, and friends last

Remaining close in spirit
No matter how far
It’s not just what you do
A friend is who you are.

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