Uncertain

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Uncertain

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
exact a daily toll
Consigned to our reality
Confined to our home
Cavernous, in our hole…

The disdain of the social media
The refrain of the incessant news
Trudeau’s late morning assurances
Trump’s daily need to accuse
Portals to the vital information
Privy to all the points and views
Small screens or the big screen
Two for my one. One for my twos

So much that I have to believe
With so little I have to choose

Twenty four, gone just like that
Stuck at home, paying hour dues
Any time, less than well spent
is more that I will lose

 

Numbers that continually climb
The mountain exceedingly steep
Information about our situation
Piled onto, and into, the heap
Unsure of exactly how to react
Dangerous to relax. Dire enough to weep
Life burrowed. And lives buried
Lost and lonely in the deep

Choices, and musts, and maybes,
sown by what we reap

Restless, on same sorry nights
Tempted to pour my self to sleep
Waking to the same exhaustion
With no appointments to keep

 

In no uncertain terms
these uncertain times
test our resolve
The tenuous balance
The strenuous times
The few we can involve…

Sitting with the same three people
So strangely out of whack
A picking and choosing of persons
Separating them from the pack
Getting together with friends, sort of
Grainy and intermittent as we yak
Me, Skyping on my Samsung
She, Zooming on her Mac

Small relief, virtually compensating
for the contact that we lack

Stuck inside, inside my head
A smothering, closed-in panic attack
A forty minute escape on foot
to the grocery store and back

 

More word games on my phone
with another temporary friend
Wearing out my headphones
Replacing another pen
Staying up late with a movie
Staying in bed until ten
Back to yesterday’s puzzle
Then another. Because I can

Nothing seems to matter much
when it doesn’t matter when

When anywhere I choose to go
is where I’ve recently been
It’s the same day as yesterday
All over again

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In these uncertain times
We must look to the certain things
Voices and faces. Warm and safe places
Music and memories. A lyric that one sings
We must absorb all of the sensations
Even when the situation stings
Bask in the perfection of a complete silence
The anticipation, when the phone rings

While we are captive in our own castles
we are still the queens and kings

We need to absorb every day importance
To see and hear when reality dings
Finding the words and feeling the thoughts
Any comfort that familiar brings

 

I am required to switch my focus
To forge ahead in this lonely role
Accomplish something, anything, for me
Feed and fill my hungry soul
To live life as it is, in the here and now
In the circumstance, within my control
I’m not allowed to live it to the fullest
Making more of less is my modest goal

Regaining my composure and perspective
Some of what this pandemic stole

Raising my head, my eyes, my heart
Extracting myself from the mounting toll
Wanting to live while waiting to leave
Up and over, and out of this hole

 

In these uncertain times
In no uncertain terms

Force

20200201_195134Force

She is interested

And interesting
A person who cares
A personality that shares
She puts herself out there
Where no one else dares

I wrap my mind around her
with all of my might
Wrap my thoughts around her
and hold on tight
She sometimes comes unwrapped
and that’s all right
She makes every day
more interesting
And gets more interesting
with every night

 

She exudes her perspective 
Yearning as a mom. Learning to be an ex-wife.
She is resilient, but far from reticent
As she takes on this life
The expressive face. The reflective eyes.
Mirrors, to her struggles and strife
Her reactions are intense and instant
And, often, sharp as a knife

Forceful, but far from philosophical

She attacks her every day
Saying exactly she means
Should her edge begin to fray
Her mind just seems to know
What she needs and has to say
She is adamant in her intentions
And she invests them all the way

I’ve seen and heard it many times

With myself. With any friend.
The truest sense of what she means
The means in which she’ll send
Her voice may waver. Her choices are unwavering.
A point of view that doesn’t depend
Sometimes she breaks down easily
But seldom does she bend

 I was taken aback by her way
But only for the shortest while
I appreciated who and how she was
So much from her gut. So much guile.
Refreshingly real in her honesty
Stoic in neither substance nor style
I sit back, and I soak her all in
Look, and listen, and discreetly smile

She is interested

And interesting
A parent who intensely cares
A partner who intently shares
Puts herself out there
When no one else dares

I wrap my heart around her
with all of my might
Wrap my arms around her
and I hold her tight
A force, she keeps me rapt
and that’s all right
She makes our every day
more interesting
And I am more interested
in every night

 

Was

depth of field photography of mallard duck on body of water

Was
He stood on the snow-covered rocks,

watching the three little ducks swim.
Taking turns, diving under the cold lake.
Like children, indulging a dare on a whim.
He was content. Was smiling inside.
Simple emotions were welling to the brim.
More certain that he was almost all the way back.
He was wishing that it was him.

He was standing there, contently entranced.
Soaking in every detail that he could find.
He was feeling the tension of his heartstrings
as they slowly stretched to unwind.
It was not all that long ago, really.
He was adrift, floating away from his mind.
Just then, he was suddenly overwhelmed.
Was remembering, all that he’d left behind…

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He remembered when he was entirely sunken
In the darkest depths of his own despair
Was held under by his own helplessness
Was fighting, for any small gasp of air
Was beside himself, flailing with his lonely soul
Unable to breathe, or even to care
Was looking, around himself, at nothing
Was alone, and wanting no one else there

He was lost, slowly drowning in constant doubt
Submerged, below the murky surface of his worry
Hearing only that incessant, dissenting voice
It was the sound and the resound of the fury
As he finally, desperately, managed to look only up
It was through eyes so tired and blurry
He was doubtful he could get all the way there
He was certain that he had to hurry

He began the ascent, from his abyss of self-pity
Was no more time he could waste on reflecting
He was towing his lessons, out of this depression
Through all of the shame and the blame deflecting

Was willing his load, upward, determined to make it
 He was far more buoyant than he was expecting
With his sole motivation, his self-preservation
He surfaced, with the self he was neglecting

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He had willed himself up and out, onto solid ground.
Had saved his heart and his soul from dying.
If he said that he was completely free of the pain,
they both would know he is lying.
Yet he is getting ever closer to leaving it all behind.
Is going to be himself again. There is no denying.
He is inspired, and required, to get all the way there.
 And he is sure going to live trying…

He was going to stand here for a while more.
And only then would he continue his run.
Transfixed as he was by the three ducks.
Still having their own carefree, unique fun.
He wants nothing more than to bask in this feeling.
It is his head. It is his heart. Together as one.
He finally manages to pull his eyes away.
He is met by the warmth of the sun.

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Alpengruss

Alpengruss

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A breath of cool winter
appears without a sound
A dusting of early December snow
lying gently on the ground
A warm sense of adventure
as Friday noon rolls around
Work and tire tracks behind us
We are weekend bound

Timing is everything
That’s what they say
And the timing is perfect
for us to get away


I look your way with a sigh
as it all settles inside of me
Another city in two hours
Another state of mind in three
Realization and relaxation
and the place I want to be
My left hand on the wheel
The right one on your knee

Savoring the little things
And all that they say
These times of our life
set apart from everyday


A sensory scenic drive together
through the Québec countryside
Each skyward snow-dressed pine
our majestic glistening guide
Sun and blue skies lie ahead of us
The season’s true nature belied
Comfort and warmth between us
Anticipation along for the ride

Time touches our hearts
With words we need not say
All ours when we get there
Until then it leads the way


Autoroute 5 winds us to two rivers
To w
here the Gatineau meets La Pêche
I open the vents to feel the essence
and the crispness meets my flesh
Slowly through the welcoming village
 Where, once again, the path seems fresh
To our little slice of perfect harmony
W
here the music and memories mesh

Spending this quality time
We are doing what we say
Gathering and saving moments
that are always here to stay

No one is in the office
Like the last time, and the time before
Just a friendly note, and reminder,
to say our key is in the door
The refreshing air of familiarity
as we ascend to the second floor
Number 14 had been awaiting us
We were bound to return for more  

Dancer

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Dancer
I remember my laughter
I remember your enthusiasm
So energetic. So petite.
My great big smile
Your great big heart
Your little arms. Your little feet.

Your little legs
Your little steps
Your little mistakes.
The precious years
The countless lessons
The time it takes.

And I wouldn’t change any of it
for the world…

Watching you jump
Watching you twirl
My little dancer
My little girl


I think about my pride

I think about your progress
So precise. So sure.
My complete awe
Your perfect performance
So professional. So mature.

So much practice
So much commitment
So much that it takes.
The exams and recitals
The many life lessons
The memories that it makes.

And I couldn’t be more impressed
by all I’ve seen…

Watching you leap
Watching you whirl
My talented daughter
My little girl

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Bridge

Bridge

I do whatever I need to do
Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on her face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish inspiration,
to take me to that place…

I find solace in technology
In the time-lapse comfort
of a heart-inspired text
I can reach across with words
A bridge that spans the gap
from one smile to the next

Often, I write even more,
as my mind stretches out
to the necessary length
It’s a way from me to her
And I can hold on until then
because this is my strength

When both our separate lives
reluctantly keep us apart
I know I can edge nearer
When I find her response
there isn’t the sound of her voice
but I can still hear her

She is my after
She is my before
She makes my day,
She makes me want more
She is my now
She is my again
She is my next time
She is my til then

black and white bridge leaf outdoors
I do whatever I need to do

Take whatever way it takes
to see the smile on your face
I have my self-preservation,
and my selfish motivation,
to take me to that place…

I have twelve hour work days
Sometimes there’s five
Sometimes, only two
I can shorten either time,
I can shorten either bridge,
with all my thoughts of you

Often, I escape to memories,
as my mind reaches back
to our last perfect night
It’s a short distance away
And I can hold on to then
with all of my might

When my work frustrations
threaten the best of me
I know where I can go
When my patience wains,
I look behind, and move ahead
because I already know

You are my after
You are my before
You make my day,
You make me want more
You are my now
You are my again
You are my next time
You are my until then


Love is the bridge
that gets me to you…
And I always will take it
Thinking about you
edges me ever closer…
Until I can make it.

Absorbed

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Absorbed

Sometimes I get lost
And I stare
I am lost
in the mystery of your dark eyes
I am caught up
in the flow of your dark hair
Sometimes, you catch me looking
Never do I care

Whenever you notice,
and you look my way,
my love finds you there.

Then, you smile.
That smile.
And I smile,
And we are both there.

Often, I soak all of you in
And my heart is full

I bask in the moment
and never want to let it go
I absorb all I see
until my emotions show
Often, I burst from the inside
I let my words flow

Whenever I feel this way,
I promised,
to always let you know.

So, I say them.
Those words.
And you say them.
And we both know.

abstract bubble clean clear

 

Comeback

close up photography of four baseballs on green lawn grasses

Comeback

I’m picturing one of them reclined in his chair,

and the other one sitting on the couch
One with his slippered feet up, and a beer
One with a glass of pop, and a comfortable slouch

Both men wear their casual pants and golf shirts,
and both have intentionally short, completely gray hair
There’s a Jays game on, in the top of the eighth,
and a bowl of peanuts, that both of them share

I can hear their commentary after a pivotal play
Sharp criticism of the base-runner’s choices
Knowledgeable experience that fills their words,
And a youthful exuberance that joins their voices

The subtle jabs of friends are parlayed back and forth
Each ready for a comeback, as the other one slyly talks
“What could an old curler possibly know about baseball”
“You must’ve taken too many blows whenever you’d box”

The spirited rant transitions naturally during a commercial,
away from the second baseman and his prolonged slump
It turns seamlessly back to differing opinions of Trudeau,
and a sarcastically disdain-filled consensus on Trump

You would never know that they were fairly new friends
with the familiarity and the intensity of all they discuss
You wouldn’t suspect that they had met in their eighties
That they’d only met in this last year, and because of us

Their furrowed brows ease back into a playful twinkle
as their jostling conversation becomes their laughter
With a one-run deficit, in the bottom of the eighth,
they’ll find plenty of time for their wisdom, after

I see your father, reaching for the last of the peanuts,
then he pauses, and passes them to my dad instead
I see them sit up straight, suddenly, together in unison,
as a loud two-run homer puts their Jays ahead


I think about them often, when I watch with you

Whatever the sport, and whatever the season
Life has a way of putting good people together
And we are good people, for an obvious reason

11D

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11D
Yesterday rests

just beyond the horizon
as shimmering shadows
reach down from the sky
A gentle splash of waves
caresses the shore
as the sunlight dances
for just you and I

There are only two of us
that matter today
The rest of the world
was left behind
We share the solitude
of the open water
And the possibilities
of an open mind

The cool lake
rests against my skin
as the mid-day sun
reaches down to my face
The touch of your hand
caresses my senses
At the perfect time
In a perfect place

There is only the now
and only the here
A piece of paradise
for you and for me
We share in the pleasures
of Frontenac Park
In the possibilities
of 11D

Grad

Grad
Between the chatter
and the applause,
the auditorium
could not be louder
Between a father
and his daughter,
this father
could not be prouder

Time stands still for me,
for these few seconds,
as you finally reach
the end of the aisle
These last four years
caught in your eyes
And seventeen plus
captured in your smile

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You worked very hard,

for this accomplishment,
as you endeavoured
to find your way
Culminating now,
in an instant,
with your honours,
on this very special day

It’s just the two of us,
together in this moment
The noise is gone
and so is the crowd
Between a father
and his daughter,
this father,
could not be more proud.

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