Brusque

20170805_142905 


Brusque

Opinions, for the ears of everybody
Words, of a mind for only one
You talk and you talk a good game
When, actually, you have none
A misplaced sense of self-importance
Confident, to the point of delusion
Constantly rubbing people the wrong way
A reality, wrapped inside an illusion

What colour is the sky in your world?
Does the sun only shine when you’re in it?
Is the planet lonely with just the one person?
Does it only turn when you spin it?

An endless list of those you’ve alienated
Astounded, by your condescending tone
An ego, that pierces the thickest of skin
Daggers, from a mind all your own
Common denominator to many problems
Divisor, for those who cross your path
You are 100% certain, and 90% wrong
Little remains, when you do the math

What colour is the sky in your world?
Is it grey and spattered with dots?
Do you ever get to see the sunlight?
Is it overcast, clouded by your thoughts?

You ride in on your high horse
Give the royal wave to all you pass
Those who don’t acknowledge you
Can just kiss your royal ass
You share a seat with your superiority
Oblivious to the ooze that you spill
Sitting smugly beside your judgement
In a sticky puddle of your ill will

What colour is the sky in your world?
Is it showering blood, instead of rain?
Are you sheltered beneath your thin cover?
Or drenched, in the red of your disdain?

It is by no means an overstatement
Your demeanour is your disguise, your demise
Whenever you reveal your true self
It’s like a storm, sweeping the skies
From the nasty depths of self-absorption
Blunt statements, soaked in the odd
Revealed, one assumption at a time
From beneath your shallow façade

What colour is the sky in your world?
Does anyone ever reach you there?
Perhaps someone should tell you?
Would you really even care?

 

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Pages

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Pages
Plenty of reflections
Plenty of idiosyncrasies
come naturally with age.

The
inclination to hesitate
 The instinct to look back…
before I turn a page.

Birthdays and anniversaries

Dates of significance
Names and news and faces.
They pull be back in time
To a life full of friends
To many happy places.

I find myself occupied

For more than a moment
When I stop to reminisce.
So deeply entrenched
As I get lost in a past
That I invariably miss.

I have done my due time

Been an adult for a while
Am a proud father of two.
Have settled into middle age
Set aside my daydreams
For the responsible view.

Far too many pages

Far too many friendships
That I’ve let slide by.

As my mortality jolts me

As I read into it further…
I have to ask why?

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Social media postcards

Everyone is travelling
Going there and there.
With unlimited budgets
Twelve weeks of vacation
Gone without a care.

Everyone else seems to get it

That time is of the essence
As the years tread by.
Different walks of life
With uncommon passages
But similar reasons why.

Emphatic experiences

To exciting locations
At the drop of a hat.
Unbelievably available
Unrealistic, of course
But I want some of that.

So many more pages

So many more memories
for me to still get.

With age comes wisdom

With wisdom comes perspective…
but not just yet.

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Chance encounter reminders

Of emotions long forgotten
Of passages in my book.
Resolute feelings of once was
The remnants of my passion
And the chances that I took.

“You look great for fifty”

That is kind of you to say
But it’s clearly not the same.
Just takes me back to twenty
With the world at my feet
At the top of my game.

I have no urge to act my age

I crave the reckless abandon
That I felt back then.
I need more of that feeling
More of that self-assurance
Inside of me again.

Plenty of next pages

Plenty of new stories
before this chapter ends.

Much is still in place

Much of what motivates me…
and most of those friends.

 

Libre

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Libre

It seems so simple
Crystal clear
Sunlit visible
as I look around
The little things
Whatever life brings
Rays of sunshine
in perspective found

Time continues
to fly on by
Weeks disappearing
into the haze
Slow it down
to take a look
Make the most
of everydays

Palm trees
Gracious people
A week away
for my mind
Smiles and greetings
Time not fleeting
Easing away
from days behind

Cuba libre
Putting my self first
Spiritually taking
time for me
The unobtrusive
is all-inclusive
Cerebrally absorbed
in all I see

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It seems so simple
Crystal clear
Sunlit evident
that less is more
The little things
Whatever life brings
Waves of perception
from ocean to shore

See this world
whenever possible
Sample the pleasures
life recommends
Follow the rhythms
of your heart
Embrace the message
that it sends

Drinking time
Thinking time

A vacation

for my soul
Pina colada
Worry about nada

Pieces of perception
making me whole

Cuba libre
Putting my self first
Blissfully making
time for me

The unobtrusive
is all-inclusive
Cerebrally absorbed
in all I see
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Confined

“People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it.”
– Jim Morrison20150930_213223[1]

 Confined

He goes to bed each night
alone with the ache
 His internal conflict
keeping them both awake
Wakes up weary every morning
lying beside his vanity
With a smile for his children
and a check mark for his sanity

Physical versus mental
in a battle of his pain
Sensory and substantial
is the signal from his brain
From necessity and habit
you conceal what you feel
It’s mind against matter
with wounds that won’t heal

Scar tissue and time
The confines of the mind
Self-motivation
Self-preservation
Selfishly suppressing the pain
Scar tissue and time
A safe place to hide
He
fights the pain

His wounds remain
Sustaining himself from inside

An actor playing himself
in the true story of he
Absorbed in the role of everyman
and that’s who he has to be

Scripted by circumstance
he has lines on every page
Penned for his own purposes
he is resplendent on his stage

 
A song written in his head
but needed by his heart

Lyrics intended for healing
they’re upbeat from the start
Motivation for mind and body
 Affected, but indeed sincere
He gives a selfless performance
for everyone to hear

Scar tissue and time
The complexities of the mind
Self-medication
Self-preservation
Selfishly deflecting the pain
Scar tissue and time
Enduring another day
Different roots of pain

No Ledger or Cobain
Determined to go another way

Scar tissue and time
You conceal what you feel
It’s mind against matter
When wounds never heal

Scar tissue and time
In the confines of your mind
You ascend another day
Starting from behind

 

NEEDY

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NEEDY

Self promotion
in constant motion
Pleading and begging
For everyone to see
It must be exhausting

This incessant need
Intense and insistent 
“Pay attention to me!”

Repetitive requests
Constant changes of heart
Indecisive and impulsive
“I’m in, no I’m out!”
Question after question
Never completely sure
Waffling and wavering
Riddled with need and doubt


Looking for attention

like a dog with a ball
Alone, when no one’s looking
like a painting on the wall
Like the cold to the ice-cube
Needy to the extreme
Like the sadly desperate dreamer
who has no dream


Always in your face
Constantly trying to sell
Conflicted and convincing
“Buy that, or buy this!”
Post after post after post
A social media junky
Frenzied and forward
Yet another near miss

Feeling entitled
Exerting constant pressure
Confused and confounded
“Don’t you see my name?”
Reminder after reminder
Living vicariously
Posing and positioning
 Playing a needy game


Screaming for attention

like a child with no toy
Paralyzed by inability
like a plotter with no ploy
Like the item to the auctioneer
Needy to the extreme
Like the badly conniving schemer
who has no scheme


Questioning your audience

Unable to deal with it
Again and again
 Most people refuse
Sometimes a talent

Can stand on its own
Patience and time
And paying your dues

 The time may come
When people pay attention
When people take notice
To the talents you’ve got
When your own self worth
Becomes evident to all
People may see you
  But then again, people may not


Starving for attention

like an actor with no stage
Ready, willing, unable
like a writer with no page
Like the canvass to the artist
Needy to the extreme
Like the madly competitive player
who has no team

Ours

Ours
I sit at the end of the dock

Alone, on the edge of a new day
I scan our horizon, and smile
Content,
about thinking this way
It just feels like it belongs to us
That it’s all ours, and therefor mine
That we have our own entire lake
 And our own sprawling shore line
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There is a definite sense of self
A fulfillment, based on our decision
Circumstances, that brought us to now
How I got to this position
As I breathe in our fresh air
and feel our cool morning breeze
My heart embraces the moment
My mind notes all that it sees

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I see our fence and our fire wood
I see the garden we need to weed
I see our house that we are renovating
into the home that we need
I look up to see our deck
I see just how it’s positioned
I can picture our awesome view
Even more than we envisioned
I see our tall, imposing hemlock
Our kayaks that lie in its shade
See the route we’ve taken to our place
I see all the choices we’ve made

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I see the end result to our patience
I see the fruits of this past year
I see the promise in our future
I see exactly how we got here
I see all of our perseverance
I see the challenges that we’ve met
I see how we’ve faced them all together
and I am as content as I can get

Content with this life for our family
Content with how this all came to be
Content with this time that is ours
Content, and smiling, at all that I see

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Matters

Restless pursuit this need to run
down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where it’s only this day that
matters


Happy and safe and satisfied          Tells me exactly why she feels

  Rests her head above my heart       Grips my arm to keep me near
    Pretty and kind and genuine             Simple sense should be enough
      Pure measure to her responses        Obviously sure in her sensuality

To nurture is my nature                 Have settled into this calm before
  Same quiet comfort condition       An air of duality peaceful and familiar
    How to detach is my dilemma       Never wishing to affect or afflict
      Needing to leave circumstance at full speed and join the chase to where I belong


No right escape from this situation
spiral stairway to solid ground
twisting path from lost to found
away from the arms of yesterday
to where it’s only this way that
matters


Time and space and in between         Barely standing on shaky legs
  Misunderstood meandering man       Looking for the straight answer
   Accepting and expecting and free      Open to possibilities and change
     Uncertain of which way to turn            Divided with my head in the clouds

To settle has been my pattern           An ego fed love I can never return
  Boundless bravado housed inside    A shadow beside my former self
   To pursue is what I’ve got to do          Releasing the will to grasp at chance
     Needing to motivate my willing legs and take purposeful strides toward fulfillment


I want to take her hand and run
down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where I can have my say in what
matters


Exciting and vital and full of life            Challenging my every need to know

  Chasing her essence lost in a trance     I see so much living behind her eyes
    Radiant and bright and so aware           Yet suspended in a well of reserve
     She shines a light in my search               Love lost places that I hope to find

To burst out through an open door          Releasing the passion that controls me
  Carrying all the devotion I have to give    Leaving behind this tormented soul
   To swiftly scoop her up on my way            Imagining a path to where we belong
     Confident in knowing this is right and completely prepared to sprint into the sun


I have to take her hand and run

down streets of fire and rain
back alleys of joy and pain
away from the eyes of yesterday
to where it’s only today that
matters

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